


Rimmerworld II

by LizzieRimmsy



Category: Red Dwarf
Genre: Angst and Fluff and Smut, Cameos, Evil Rimmer, Gap Filler, Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy References, Jealousy, M/M, Non-Graphic Violence, Post Holo-Man, Rampancy, Red Dwarf X, The Brittas Empire References, Unrequited Lust
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-31
Updated: 2018-01-05
Packaged: 2018-11-30 19:07:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 30,607
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11469816
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LizzieRimmsy/pseuds/LizzieRimmsy
Summary: Rimmer leaves Red Dwarf and finds himself on an artificial world called Genesis - his only companion is the planet's caretaker, Exuberant Witness.Dedicated to Paul C. Giachetti. He was my long term beta for Holoman. Without him, I don’t think it would’ve been as great as it is and these side stories, even Fragments, wouldn’t exist.





	1. Technical Difficulties

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "But the blood on my hands scares me to death  
> Maybe I'm waking up today"

Alarms were whaling, lights were flashing. " _WARNING: Airlock doors opened. Life support system failure imminent._ " could be seen on multiple monitors on the ship.

Lister came pelting down the corridor and into the drive room. Upon entering he saw a severely disassociated Rimmer hovering over the controls for the air locks.

Fear transformed Lister's face; it was obvious what he had just done. "Rimmer, what are you doin', man?! Have you lost your mind?!" He tried to shut the airlock doors but Rimmer had put in an override.

In that moment rage flowed through Rimmer. His eyes were nearly all black. He lunged at Lister before he could even blink, then wrapped his hands tightly around Lister's head.

Lister groaned, and recoiled to the best of his abilities. "Let go of my head!" he struggled to yell. He clasped his hands on Rimmer's wrists, attempting to pry him off. The grip his hard light, so-called friend had on him was sure to crack his skull if he didn't act quickly — but there was nothing he could do himself. "I could use some help in here!!"

"I've always wondered why people call heads 'melons'," Rimmer intoned, almost disconnected from reality. "Maybe it's because they split under pressure. What do you think, Listy?" He gripped Lister's head even tighter.

He let out a loud, pained moan. His heart pounded; he thought it was going to burst out of his chest. It would have been a better death than having his head squeezed like a grape. He shouted out the first name he could think of: "Kryten!!"

Then Rimmer, louder than ever, screamed, " _SHUT UP!!!_ " Both his projection and voice glitched out.

His immense malfunction caused a ship wide power fluctuation, then in just seconds everything went dark. It was eerily quiet; the only thing that could be heard was Lister panting. He hitched his breath until the backup power generator started. When it did he found he was alone. He gazed down at the tiny light bee on the ground; Rimmer was still active but shut down as a result of the power cut.

Lister picked up what remained of Rimmer and stared at it. "What the smeg was that about?!" he demanded, as if he could answer him.

Finally, after the excitement was all over with, Kryten and the Cat ran in. Kryten at least would have been there sooner if the Cat didn't distract him with his shiny thing.

Cat saw that Lister was holding Rimmer's light bee and became sorely disappointed. "Aw man!" he griped. "I always miss the good stuff!"

* * *

The three, technically four, of them were in the holo-projection suite. Kryten laid Rimmer's light bee on a medi-bed they got from the medical bay. He powered him on remotely; as soon as he booted up they saw he was unconscious — he laid in a foetal position, his extremities twitching occasionally.

"Any idea what's going on, Kryten?" Lister wondered.

Kryten shook his head. "It's still too soon to tell, sir, but it's clear something set him off."

Cat folded his arms and asked, "What'd you do this time, bud?"

"Nothin'!" he exclaimed. "I just asked him what he was doing and if he lost his smegin' mind! Completely appropriate questions if you ask me."

"That's as maybe, but you know how he gets when you question his sanity: About as unstable as furniture from Ikea."

"He's right, sir. I think we may have to consider…" Kryten nervously tapped on his chest with his fingers. "Putting him down, so to speak."

Lister stared incredulous. "You serious?" he drawled in his thick Liverpudlian accent. "Alright I might not like the guy much, but I'm not taking him into the woods and shooting him!"

"Well, you wouldn't _have_ to shoot him, you'd—"

"It's a metaphor, Krytes," he swiftly interrupted, slightly indignant. "Anyway, it doesn't matter. I'm not smeggin' doin' it." Seconds after he said that, he realised he might have shown for the first time that he did truly care about the smeghead. Inwardly, he winced.

"We have to do something, sir. He's becoming a danger to us."

He looked at Kryten in contempt. He hated the fact that Kryten was, more often than not, the voice of reason, and he was once again; he didn't want him to be right. Deep down he wanted to keep Rimmer around, even if it was the wrong thing to do; without him he'd be lost and broken.

"You know, Kryten, just coz he's out doesn't mean he can't hear you."

"Sorry, sir." Kryten looked down at the floor in shame.

"Look, face it, bud. He's not getting any better. Sooner or later you'll wish you did something about it." Cat hoped it would be the former.

Lister wished there was someone, anyone, who would be on his side. There was, but she was long gone. Heavily, Lister sighed. He closed his eyes, and rubbed pinched the bridge of his nose. "Could you two just... be somewhere else for awhile? I wanna be with him — alone."

Neither Cat nor Kryten were sure of what the two of them would do, considering Rimmer was out cold. Regardless, they respected Lister's wish and silently left the room.

* * *

A few hours passed; Rimmer was still out. Lister stayed by his side, waiting for him to wake up. At some point he had hooked Rimmer up to the resentment drain machine. Rimmer didn't show any signs of a resentment attack but he didn't know what else to do. Lister hoped it would still have some sort of an effect on him — it didn't.

Rimmer stirred in his sleep a few times from unexplained twinges, until he finally opened his eyes. He looked over and saw Lister staring off in another direction. Rimmer didn't speak; he simply kept his eyes on him.

Lister glanced over at Rimmer, then noticed he was awake. His whole face lit up in that instant; he didn't think he was ever going to wake up. "Hey, how are you doing?" Lister wondered.

"Fine, I think..." Rimmer observed the room. Gradually, he realised where he was, and that he was still hooked up to the resentment drain machine, which he ironically resented to an immense degree. Eventually his eyes landed back on Lister and he stared at him intently. "What did I do now?" he asked with a sigh.

"You, er, confused my head for a stress ball," he told him, adding a slight titter at the end. "Plus you opened all the air locks, and caused a power cut. Kryten thinks some stress related thing brought it on."

He shut his eyes and sighed, exasperated that he once again lost his temper, to put it mildly. "Perfect!" he spat. He loathed the fact that he couldn't keep from being nuttier than a Snickers bar. "What else did he say?" Rimmer asked.

Lister couldn't bear to tell him the only option was to essentially, and effectively kill him. Grief shattered him, and Rimmer hadn't gone yet. Numbness infused his body; he found he couldn't even speak — he could only stare off into nothingness.

Rimmer stared intently at Lister, growing impatient for a response. "Lister? Did you hear me?" After a time he didn't have to get an answer out of him to know what Kryten said; it was what everyone, even Rimmer, was thinking. He drew in a long, unnecessary breath. "Oh... Right." he droned, nearly under his breath.

He automatically knew what Rimmer was mumbling about. " _I smeggin' told him he'd hear us_." Lister thought, cursing Kryten for not only saying it, but thinking it. He gave Rimmer a half smile in attempt to mask the multitude of emotions he felt. "If it makes any difference, I'm against it." he finally told him.

His brows drew together. "Why?" he slurred as he gently chewed on the inside of his lower lip; he did it to keep from verbally losing it again. Rimmer simply kept staring at him. He sighed when he didn't get a response for a second time. "Lister—"

"What d'you mean 'why'? I thought you'd be thankful." he interrupted with a slight tone of sadness.

" _Thankful_?" Rimmer echoed in his head. " _Yes, I'm thankful you're all for letting me suffer until the day I finally do have the guts to self terminate_." He'd love nothing more than to be shut down and return to a life of nonexistence. Anything to stop from feeling virtually anything at all. "Lister, I really don't feel like arguing."

"Who's arguin'?"

Rimmer ignored him. He struggled to sit up; he grabbed on to the bed rail, pulling himself forwards. Various cords were strewn over his body from the resentment drain machine; he wrestled with them a while until he got fed up and yanked them away — he didn't care if he damaged the smegging thing — it was actually the best feeling he had experienced in a long time. Sparks flew for a short time where the wires once were.

"Easy, Rimmer." Lister softly chided.

Every feature on his face quivered with indignation as he shot Lister the most furious of glares — one he usually only reserved for Ace.

Rimmer was triggered; one of the many things he hated was being told to calm down, take it easy or relax — he always likened it to telling a starving man not to be hungry; if he had a way to calm down, he would be doing it.

Lister felt his eyes piercing through him like laser beams; a bit of sweat ran down his spine. "O-okay," he stammered. "Moving swiftly on..."

"Listy, whatever half-baked idea Kryten came up with, I think you should go with it. Whatever will make this all go away."

"You what?" Incredulous, he stared at him. "No way!"

"Lister—" he sighed once more.

"So you lost your temper, it happens! Especially with you. I mean, d'you remember when you tried to insert that fridge inside of me?"

Rimmer sniggered, failing miserably at hiding a laugh. " _That was sort of funny_ ," he thought. "I don't think this was simply _bad temper_ , Lister."

"No, I know..." Despair and worry dragged him down from the realisation that Rimmer was still suffering from rampancy. His eyes began to well up; he turned away to hide his face.

Rimmer's face hardened as he tried to decipher why he appeared the way he did. Surely he didn't and wouldn't grieve for him. Lister didn't care about him — he never did. Rimmer opened his mouth, about to say something when Kryten, the master of untimely entrances, walked in.

"Ah, Mr. Rimmer! How are you feeling, sir?" he chirped.

He wanted to respond with, " _I would've been better if you went and smegged off!_ " He bit it back. He didn't say anything at all, in fact. With a huff, he got off the medi-bed.

"Sir, I don't think you're ready—"

"I'm fine!" he barked. He _was_ fine for a split second; his light bee made a strange, almost jarring noise as it strained to retain his projection, then he seemed to have flipped into another personality. "You have brought nothing into this world, and we will ensure you bring nothing out!" Rimmer then screamed in agonising pain as he switched back to normal. He wheezed and panted, clutching the general area where his light bee was located.

Looking at both Kryten and Lister, seeing how mortified they were, made Rimmer realise just how insane he was. He forced down a sick feeling. Embarrassment, guilt and fear spiralled through him as he slowly began to panic. After a few moments had passed, Rimmer turned to leave the room and didn't look back.

"Rimmer, wait!" Lister shouted out. He almost went after him but Kryten had stopped him — if nothing more than to protect him.

* * *

Rimmer had gone off to an unknown, empty room of the ship. Between the tears in his eyes and the dizziness he experienced from hyperventilating he couldn't see two feet in front of him, but it felt empty. He rested his back on the wall, eventually sliding down to the floor. His knees were pressed against his chest; his arms were tightly wrapped around his abdomen.

All he did was sob as he lamented. He was sick of being this way and sick of harming the people he dared not label as friends — at least not to their faces. The more he thought of how much of a failure he was to Lister, the more he cried. It got to a point where his throat had tightened up; he could hardly swallow. Over time his state of depression had literally drained him. He laid down on the floor, gradually falling asleep.

Hours later Rimmer had awoken, stiff as a board. He slowly stood up, and rubbed his back. He glanced down at where he slept on the cold, metal floor. "Why on Io did I do that?" he griped, looking upwards. He stretched, then glanded at his watch; it was 10:54 P.M.

He ambled to his sleeping quarters, where he’d find Lister passed out in his top bunk. He climbed into the lower bunk, tossing and turning until he finally fell back to sleep.

Some time had passed. Rimmer's eyes popped open and couldn't be closed again. He laid awake, staring at the underside of the top bunk. Every few minutes he’d look at the clock, hoping that time has somehow sped up and minutes had became hours; it wouldn’t matter much — he’d still be just as wide awake and depressed.

He felt broken, alone and empty. His sudden, often violent, outbursts were a mystery; he wracked his brain trying to figure out why they kept happening. He then slid out of bed, and stood beside it, watching Lister as he soundly slept. Rimmer couldn’t take it anymore; the screaming, hitting, strangling or stabbing. If he were the cause of something terrible happening to his crew, especially Lister, he’d never forgive himself. It was beyond him how he’d stop these outbursts; resentment drains didn’t do a thing and none of the holo-medication he took worked. If he were completely honest, he’d say he felt like an escaped mental patient. He knew what he had to do — the only thing he could do — leave.

Rimmer wished he could talk with Lister one last time. He never thought he’d ever want to hear the sound of his voice, how he’d always say _somethin_ ’ instead of _something_. That’s not to say there weren’t things he wouldn’t miss — Lister’s adulation and affection toward Kochanski was one of them. Not that she was even there; she didn’t have to be to drive Rimmer mad. All he needed to do was think of her and his hard-light drive would malfunction. In a way she was still there; Lister had been going on and on about finding her, which drove Rimmer more than a little insane. He resented Lister for being with her and Kochanski for replacing him, and not just in the professional sense of the term; he felt as though he was losing his friend to her.

He drew in a deep breath, letting it out gradually and shakily. "I’m sorry." he said, his words riding on his exhale. It was all he could think to say, even though to him it didn’t strike as being enough; nothing ever could be enough to make up for his actions.

Lister opened a bleary eye; he saw a blurred version of Rimmer standing beside him, thought nothing of it and went back to sleep. Moments later, after he realised who was there, he opened his eye a second time. By the then Rimmer had already left the room. Once again, Lister shrugged it off and rolled over.

* * *

There was a good chance that Rimmer’s qusai escape would only be half as difficult. With Lister being blackout drunk, and Cat doing God knows what, it only left him to deal with Kryten. Rimmer hoped he was too busy cleaning or un-stiffening Lister’s socks to notice a _Blue Midget_ taking off.

As he entered the massive, darkened hangar bay of _Red Dwarf_ he felt a strong sense of foreboding as if a gazillion alarms in his head went off, giving him just as many reasons not to leave; the main reason being that he didn't know how to fly  _Blue Midget;_ he never had to before. Regardless, he tried to the best of his ability.

"Right. How do I start this damn thing again?" he mumbled to himself. "I think I've seen Lister push this."

He pressed a button, inadvertently dumping the ship's waste contents all over the hangar floor. He grimaced, then pursed his lips as he shrugged. It wasn't any skin off his nose, it just meant Kryten had more work to do later.

After many more failed attempts he finally got it to start. Then all he had to do was take off; eventually, and rapidly, he did; the engine roared as he was forced back into the _Blue Midget’s_ cockpit seat.

Unfortunately, Kryten did notice. It was hard not to. He was in the drive room at the time, dusting off the consoles. He got on the radio. "Whoever is in there, please identify yourself."

The trouble Rimmer had was deciding whether or not to respond. It physically tore him up inside. He wanted to leave without a word, but Kryten would tell the others there was a either a rogue _Blue Midget_ was taking off, or someone was stealing it, and they'd attempt to track it down. However, he couldn't let him in on it either for the same reason. He didn't want to be found.

"I implore you, whoever you are, to respond, or I will be forced to—"

Rimmer let out a frustrated groan, aggravated with himself for caving. He pressed the communications button so hard, he felt as though his finger was bending backwards. "Kryten, it's me, you smegging hadron head!"

"Mr. Rimmer?" He was utterly lost as to why he was attempting to take off — then it hit him. "Are you going moon-hopping again?"

He was already to provide an excuse, but then he didn't have to. Kryten did it for him. "Y-yes. I am," he stuttered. He almost felt terrible for lying to him — almost. "But the others can't know."

It didn't make an ounce of sense to him. "Why not, sir?" Kryten wondered.

Rimmer let out a harsh breath. "Listen to me: if you tell _anyone_ I'm gone, I'll attach jump leads to your nipple nuts and fry you like a Cajun catfish! Do I make myself clear?"

"Transparent, sir," Briefly, he looked nervously down at the floor. "Would you like me to accompany you?”

"No!" he hastened. He didn't want Kryten to be another casualty; he didn't want to be alone, either, but it was in everyone's best interest. Calmly, he reiterated, "No, I— I have to do this on my own." He shifted in his seat. " _Alone_ …"

"Understood, sir," Kryten said. He pressed a button on the console. "I've opened the cargo bay doors for you."

He tightly shut his eyes and gulped as he neared the exit. Leaving the ship he had called home for so many years was actually choking him up; he never allowed himself to cry — to do so would show weakness — at least that was what he had been taught by the awful, poor excuse for a human that he so grudgingly called "father". He couldn't help it this time. His bottom lip began to quiver; his throat nearly closed up.

"Kryten?" he quavered. "Do me a favour?"

"What’s that, sir?" 

He closed his eyes once more, forcing out hologrammatic tears. He wiped his eyes with the sleeve of his uniform. "Tell Lister… that I’m sorry."

"Sorry? For what?" Kryten got nothing but static on the other end. "Sir?" Nothing.

Rimmer had shut off all communications just after sending his wishes. Soon he was clear of _Red Dwarf_ ; no more Lister and his Rastabilly Skank, no more Cat and his high pitched screams echoing through the corridors, no more Kryten and his compulsive need to vacuum right when _Victory South_ was getting to the good bits — he was going be on his own — and he was already hating it.

He flicked on auto pilot, and wrapped his arms around himself; his shoulders tensed as fear hit him like icy water. His body felt leaden. Leaving plunged him into despair — but he didn't know what else to do. " _Maybe I should have let them switch me off…_ " he thought.

Over time his throat thickened with sobs; he trembled. In that instant he slammed a fist on the console in front of him. "Get a hold of yourself, Arnie," he said to himself. "You're doing this for them," A slight, jarring noise emitted from him. "Not that it would matter, would it? They’ve never appreciated anything I did!"  _Blue Midget_ stalled instantly. "No… No, please! Not here! I don't want to be stuck here!" he cried. Rimmer hurried to assess the issue as best as he could; he still had no idea what he was doing.

* * *

"Kryten!" Lister shouted down the corridor.

He hurriedly left the drive room. "What is it, sir?"

"You seen Rimmer anywhere?" He heavily panted, out of breath from running around the ship like a chicken with its head cut off. "I can't find him. I haven't seen him since he took off. I've looked everywhere, even the diesel decks."

It was the moment of truth: Kryten always had trouble lying; his voice unit would stutter just as bad as Porky Pig. He tried to suppress it as much as possible. "N-n-no, sir. I h-h-ha-haven't."

Lister’s brow furrowed, looking perplexed and sceptical "You sure about that?" he asked.

"Ye-ye-yes," he stammered. Kryten held out his arms. "Would I l-l-l-lie to you?"

He leaned back a bit, and folded his arms. "Something tells me you already are, Krytes," He reached out and put his hand on Kryten’s shoulder. "Just tell me."

Guilt tormented him; he couldn't take it. "Lie mode cancelled," he said, not bothering to conceal it. "Yes, I did see him."

His face lit up. "Where is he, then?" He saw that Kryten appeared to be serious-minded. His look of relief quickly faded. "What's he done?" he indignantly asked.

Kryten could hardly look him in the eye; he still felt terrible for lying. "He's taken leave of his senses and fled in a  _Blue Midget_."

"Why would he—?" Slowly, he realised Kryten must have mentioned shutting him down. "What the smeg have you done?" he demanded as he ran off to the drive room.

"Nothing, sir!" Kryten insisted while catching up to him. "I merely asked where he was going."

Lister flopped down in his usual seat in the drive room and began locating Rimmer. "Did he say?" he asked.

"He said he was moon-hopping."

He turned to face him. "Well, maybe he is…"

"Not likely," he said, shaking his head. "We haven't seen any planets in days, let alone any moons."

Cat, being the curious feline he was, came strutting into the drive room with them. "Hey, buds!" He briefly looked at what Lister was doing, realising that the two were in distress. "What's going on?"

"Rimmer took off," Lister replied. He tried to track his light bee, but Rimmer had somehow put a block on it. "I can't track him down."

"And the down side to that is?"

"Cat, I'm serious…"

"So am I!" he exclaimed. "We were getting rid of him anyway. This just saves us some time. The only problem is we don't have anything to celebrate with!"

Lister sighed heavily. "Am I the _only one_ who's concerned here? What if he gets hurt, or he hurts himself?"

"If he does, it’s not the end of the world." Cat hastened to say while he sat down at his usual spot in the drive room.

"Okay, what if he goes bonkers and hurts _someone else_? If we let him go, that someone's life would be on us."

"I'm afraid I'll have to agree with Mr. Lister, sir," Kryten intoned. "If nothing else, we shouldn't let him go like this in his condition."

"Man…" Cat griped, leaning further back in his seat. "Why do you always gotta be right?" He hated to admit that Lister, even Kryten, were morally correct.

"I wish I weren't…" Lister confessed.

He sighed. "Well, when you're right… you're right. What's the plan?"

That was something Lister hadn't worked out yet. Rimmer couldn't be tracked by the ship’s navigation. "Maybe you can use your nose," he told the Cat. Lister then got on the comms. "Rimmer? Rimmer, do you read me?"

"Communications have been blocked, sir…" Kryten told him, regrettably. "Visual is down as well."

Frustrated, Lister sighed. "Is there _anything_ he _hasn't_ blocked?"

Cat tested out the stereo. He turned up the volume, blasting annoying elevator tunes. He looked to Lister, grimacing. "Stereo still works."

Lister quickly shut the music off before the tune could get a chance to get in his head. "You getting any scent at all, Cat?"

He simply replied, "Zip."

On top of blocking communications, tracking _and_ video transmissions, Rimmer had sprayed a deterrent that blocked Cat’s sense of smell. He wanted to be absolutely sure no one could track him.

Rimmer was still frantically trying to start up _Blue Midget_. Every button, every switch did nothing. He sighed. "It’s smegging hopeless!" He slammed his head against the dashboard, paying no mind that it legitimately hurt. Then the engine started. "HA!" he exclaimed. Either it was a coincidence or his hard head actually knocked something mechanical back into place.

He set up auto pilot, and leaned back, mentally preparing himself for the long, unascertained, desolate journey he had ahead of him — alone, with nobody else but himself and his distorted, rampant thoughts.


	2. Love? Surely Not

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm just gonna say it: Rimmer and Exuberant = TTP  
> This one actually made giggle in a few places. I had a good time writing it. Added a Brittas Empire reference in there for fun. Bonus points if you can find it. Sorry, it's a bit long. Things… happened. **tee hee**

Several days had passed since Rimmer left. By this point, he had no clue where he was. "Surely I've passed that star system already." he thought aloud. Figuring there must've been a reason why he kept seeing it, he plotted a course towards it. The navigation readout stated it was the Nomos system; it contained an artificial world called Genesis.

Genesis, also known as Nomos II, was created by beings known as the Builders as a manufacturer of "seed worlds", artificial planets used to house civilizations to ensure their continued existence. Natural satellites placed in orbit around the planet were mined, and new bodies were created using the resources. The planets were then populated with a diverse array of flora and fauna found on the surface of Genesis. Unfortunately, for reasons unknown, seed world production process halted, and Genesis entered a dormant state.

As their name suggests, the Builders were responsible for designing and constructing the majority of the technologically advanced structures, or installations, and objects seen throughout the known galaxy. _Sarbug's_  exterior structure and the tech within it, the light bee, even the tech on  _Red Dwarf_  were all constructed by the Builders. 

Rimmer jerked at an alarm that suddenly started going off; the monitors all read " _Alert!_ " --  _Blue Midget_ was low on fuel.

"Ah…" he uttered. He felt slightly ashamed of himself that he didn't factor in that fuel was going to be an issue. The only thought he had at the time was to run and never stop.

His best hope was to land on the strange, fake planet, long enough to refuel and continue on his aimless path that led to nowhere.

Bit by bit he made it closer to the system. Genesis appeared in view; it was a large, Earth-like planet with an atmosphere rich in oxygen. Limestone rock formations covered 60% of the planet's landmass. Some of the planets' structures could even be seen from space.

"Lister would have loved this." Rimmer mused. He gazed longingly at the craft's communications unit, debating whether or not he should contact Lister. He shook his head and talked himself into ignoring his instincts.

He scanned for any possible life on the planet but found none. Albeit undetectable by the computers on _Blue Midget_ , Genesis did have some form of life.

Each world and installation that were created by the Builders had an AI to ensure things were running efficiently. These AIs were called caretakers or monitors; they were spherical in shape, and each had its own different voice, gender and personality. Since the installations and planets had been dormant for many years, most of the monitors had been driven insane purely from being alone, left with nothing to do. Some even destroyed themselves voluntarily because they felt as though they were a danger to others.

Genesis still had a caretaker: 031 Exuberant Witness was active and had been for over 3 million years, living relatively mundane existence. That was until she had discovered Rimmer was nearing the planet.

"Oh, my! A human!" Exuberant gasped in a bubbly, energetic voice. "I _must_ greet them!" She hummed gleefully as she glided down a long corridor, heading towards where she estimated Rimmer would arrive.

* * *

Rimmer started up the landing process -- at least he thought he did; in actuality he hit the retros and came in to Genesis' atmosphere quicker than Captain Hollister signing up for a butter convention.

He was frantically pressing random buttons, haphazardly flicking switches, even purposely slamming his head on the dashboard, hoping it would work again -- in retrospect, it was the stupidest idea he had since thinking sock suspenders would attract the ladies. It was all for nought. It didn't occur to him to hit the button that would've done it automatically for him.

Eventually, after breezing through the manual, he managed to do it all on his own.  _Blue Midget_ wobbled to and fro like someone was drunk behind the controls; slowly, it lowered to the ground. There was a massive jolt while he landed unsteadily just outside of a tall structure. 

The hatch opened, and he took in the artificial air. "Ah, Iron Balls, you did it again!" he said, inflating his own, already swollen ego. Looking smug and proud of himself, he stepped off and yelped as he fell down about 4 feet, landing on his tailbone. He winced from the shooting pain. He stared up in bewilderment at his parking job; _Blue Midget_ was half way up a tree, back end first. That brought him down a peg.

He rubbed his lower back. "How the hell did I do that?!"

Exuberant quickly approached him from behind. "Hello!" she chirped.

Rimmer jumped like a flea on a hot skillet. He grabbed onto his chest as he let out a less than manly scream.

"Oh, dear. Forgive me, I didn't mean to startle you. Are you alright, human?" Her brightly glowing, purple retina looked Rimmer over while she floated around to his front to face him. The longer she observed him, she realised he wasn't just human. "Hmm… A hologram. I've never met a human-hologram before. This is most exciting!" If she had a face, it would've been beaming.

She finally took notice of Rimmer's handy work in landing. "Interesting placement of your craft. Did you intend to do that? Personally, I would've landed someplace more horizontal, but I suppose this works just as well."

He had no idea what to make of her. All he could do was stare, gawking at the floating entity that did not seem to know when to pipe down.

"Why are you staring?" she wondered. "Are you trying to find my good side? Take your time; I have infinitely many," She started giggling and then sighed. "Sphere humour," She suddenly remembered that she hadn't introduced herself. "Oh! Where _are_ my manners? I was so elated to see another being that I forgot: I am 031 Exuberant Witness, monitor of the Genesis installation. Welcome."

"H-hi," he stuttered. He got up from the ground, glancing down at the butt cheek imprints in the dirt as he did. He cleared his throat, and tried to compose himself; he straightened out his uniform and brushed off the dust. "I'm Arnold J. Rimmer…" He felt awkward leaving out Acting, Stand-in Commanding Officer, but since he had no ship to command he didn't need to add the deceitful ranks anymore.

"Hello, Arnold. I am pleased to meet you," she extolled. "Are more of your kind arriving?"

That question was enough to send him spiralling into a deep depression all over again. He had been distracted until that point. "No. It's just me…" Saying those words only confirmed it; he never felt more alone. "What about you? Are you by yourself here?"

"I was. Before you showed up, there was no-one here but the Lumenon and myself," Almost on cue, two Lumenon, who were large, pterodactyl-like creatures, flew overhead. "Genesis hasn't always been this empty. The Elassi found this planet many years ago on a search for S3 worlds to live on,"

The Elassi were a race of human-alien hybrids. When their home world was rendered uninhabitable due to an environmental catastrophe, they left in search of a new home. After 5 years of looking, they found Genesis.

"They eventually perished to a deadly parasite." she added in a grave tone.

The pit of Rimmer’s hologrammatic stomach sank. He didn't bother to hide just how terrified he appeared. "Parasite?" he quivered a few octaves higher than usual.

"Don't worry. The parasite has since been extinguished. Even if they _were_ here, it does not assimilate electronic beings such as you and I. Sadly, with the parasite’s destruction came the extinction of every other living being. We may very well be all that's left."

His jaw was slightly slacking. " _She doesn't know…_ " he mused inwardly.

It was true — she had been isolated for so long, blissfully unaware of there being other species, even a single human, who actually barely registered as such.

"We should get inside," she said. "A derecho storm is moving in just northeast of here." She bolted off, moving faster than Rimmer could keep up with.

* * *

"Would you wait up?!" he wheezed. He hadn't run that fast in a long time; he was definitely out of shape, despite being a hologram incapable of changing shape, unless there was some weird glitch in his system.

"Oh! I'm sorry. I forgot humans can't fly around like we can." She headed back towards him.

"Of course we can't _fly around_!" Rimmer snipped. He gestured his hands, mimicking a bird in flight. "Not unless you fashioned a gigantic slingshot." 

It was almost as if he were back on _Red Dwarf_ , talking to that idiotic Cat or the equally as stupid Lister and Kryten. 

"Would you rather we teleport?" she asked, disregarding his snide remarks.

"It's a little late for that, isn't it?"

"Not at all," A beam shot out of her retina. "Please, step in. It's safe."

He grimaced, sceptical of how truly safe it was. For all he knew he could come back without a head or someone else’s legs. Reluctantly, he stepped into the beam and was teleported, intact, inside of a strange room. Its metallic walls almost resembled a circuit board. The lines embedded in the walls glowed blue and green, pulsating.

Exuberant teleported herself in soon after.

"I told you it was safe." she said. She was all but concealing how badly she wanted to rub it in his face.

"Yes…" His voice trailed off as he observed the weird room. "Where are we?" he asked; he was more alert at that point.

"We’re inside the main facility -- or hub. We'll be safe here. The buildings on this installation are indestructible. They're made of a special type of metal that resists deterioration, bullets, plasma bolts and fire," She noticed him gawking at her again. "Hmm… It appears you have entered a state of mental dormancy. Intriguing."

Truthfully his brief silence was due to him attempting to figure out what plasma bolts were. Then, as if he were dislodging his fixed stare, he quickly shook his head. "How long until the storm passes?" he asked eventually.

"96 hours I'm afraid." 

" _96 hours?!_ " he echoed. He'd never known of a storm, much less a derecho storm, to last 4 days.

"That is correct, Arnold. Would you like it in writing? I don't have hands, but I could give it a go."

Rimmer pinched the bridge of his nose, letting out a heavy sigh. "Oh, this is going to get old quick." he muttered.

"Are you always this wound up? If so, I may need to power down to work out how I'll be able to effectively deal with such behaviour."

In that instant, a thought occurred to him; she had reminded him of something he needed: Power. Being away from _Red Dwarf_ , even _Starbug_ , he didn't have a way to recharge.

"I've only got 12 hours of power left." he panted, on the brink of an emotional and mental breakdown.

"Arnold? What's wrong?"

He then felt a familiar stab, roughly where his heart would've been. He grabbed on to his chest; he began to hyperventilate, wheezing and gasping. The prospect of powering down for good terrified him, regardless of how badly he wanted it to happen. There were only a handful of times he experienced the black nothingness of a powerless hologrammatic projection unit, but just thinking about it sent drops of simulated sweat down his spine, and this time was no exception.

"Oh dear…" she uttered. "You're having a mild panic attack."

Rimmer managed to glare at her between gasps of pain. "No smegging kidding." he managed. His projection switched from hard light to soft light on its own accord; his light bee made a jarring sound of feedback as it strained.

"Are you in any pain?" she asked, her voice sounding unmistakably worried.

He panted, merely from panicking, and swallowed hard. "No-OT _re-EE-alLy._ " He quickly and tightly shut his mouth as soon as he heard the sound of his nonlinear and lagging voice. That never happened before. It was certainly upsetting for the already petrified hologram.

It was then that she had noticed the distinct glitch pattern in his projection that he was also suffering from the advanced stages of rampancy. "You're really not well, are you?" she murmured. Then speaking more clearly, she reassured, "Don't worry. I'll get you fixed up."

Fixed: It was such a derogatory term to him. It made it sound like he was nothing but a broken piece of smeg, something that could be half-arsed repaired with super glue or duct tape. If he had the energy to throw an insult at her for saying the F word, he would have.

Quickly, Exuberant teleported him and herself to a nearby medical station. 

* * *

"Now just relax, Arnold. I'm just going to have you scanned."

He couldn't respond; it was physically impossible for him. His vocal cords had gone on strike and his mouth had gone off on an extended holiday to the Bahamas.

The droning, whirring noises signified that the scanner had started up. Rimmer had always thought the sounds of these wretched machines were scarier than the actual machine itself. The engulfence of red illuminating every part of him was more than a little daunting.

"I hate red lights." he stated out of nowhere, his voice nonetheless glitchy.

"Pardon?"

" _Red_. It's a danger colour, isn't it? I mean, no-one ever puts on a _green light_ when all the airlocks are opened, do they? I'll tell you -- no, they don't _._ "

"Arnold, what are you―?"

"I _know_ they don't. I've opened all the airlocks before -- not one green, blue or any other smegging colour light except red."

"Why did you open all of the airlocks?"

He sharply inhaled. "I wanted them to know just how formidable I could be. That _I_ had the upper-hand on that ship, and that they shouldn't assume I would roll over and let them do whatever they damn well pleased without punishment," He heard the words that fell out of his mouth, all on their own accord, and it terrified him; this wasn't who he was. "Oh, God..." he whimpered, then started hyperventilating once more.

She noticed his vitals were off the charts and attempted to relax him. "Protocol dictates that I should try to keep your mind on other things. Maybe you could tell me a story." While what she said sounded immensely typical of a computer, her voice was so warm and calming -- uncommon for an AI.

Rimmer gulped, still frightened of himself. Finally, he spoke, quickly, fully expecting to hear the same distortion as before. "I don't think I have any." He sighed in relief; his voice seemed to have returned to normal. He was glad for that; sounding like a demonic robot was deeply concerning.

"None at all?" Exuberant prodded. She desperately wanted to know about him; anything to keep from listening to her own mind.

"Well," he began, his voice still shaking. "Back on _Red Dwarf_ , before I—" His throat nearly closed from the sorrow of the mere mention of the small rouge one; he was homesick already. "You know what? I don't think I can do this…"

"No, go on," she insisted. She thought it was nice to hear someone else talk for once. "Really, it's fine."

He let out a long, if unneeded breath, gearing himself up for what he knew would undoubtedly cause him to blubber like a baby. "Dave Lister, one of my…" He paused to think of a term for their relationship if anyone could even call it that. "Crew members…" he eventually managed, only to pause again. He didn't know why he bothered talking about Lister; there wasn't one good moment between them. 

Her metallic body tilted to one direction, emulating confusion. "Is something wrong, Arnold?"

"It's just hard for me…"

"This… _Dave_ \-- was he someone that you'd, to coin a human phrase, _'go to the ends of the Earth for'_?"

He stared at her with wide eyes and a blank face. He was rendered nearly speechless; only a squeak slipped out of his lips. He wasn't sure if that were true -- if the implicated emotion of love was the appropriate term; hate definitely, resentment for sure, but love?

"Yes," he blurted out. He surprised himself with his own admission. "I mean, I—" He stopped to mull it over. "I do, actually," he mused. Leaving to keep Lister safe was proof enough that he loved him. He looked decidedly disgusted with himself. "Oh, God, what is wrong with me?"

"Nothing is wrong with you. If memory serves me, love is a normal human emotion that has many forms."

He shut his eyes and heavily sighed. He didn't want to talk or think about it anymore. "Exuberant, please—"

She continued on without a beat, "I've never felt it -- computers can't feel of course -- but I hear it's an amazing emotion. I'm sure Dave loves you as well, Arnold."

More often than not, Lister showed no remorse in letting Rimmer know how much he disliked him; he traded him off in a poker game as if he meant nothing to him, after all -- but for all that there was one moment that stuck with Rimmer:

" _When Rimmer originally died aboard Red Dwarf, Holly brought him back as a hologram, to keep me sane -- never an easy task. He succeeded spectacularly._ "

Rimmer never thought he'd hear it, and unfortunately, it took him leaving to be Ace for Lister to finally give him a compliment. From that moment on he truly believed Lister did care about him, maybe even loved him. Until his obsession with Kochanski, as well as his fixation on finding her after her departure came about. Lister wanted her and no-one else.

Even if their love would've only been platonic, if Lister ever wanted him for even a minute, he would've been happy. All he wished for was to be needed.

He sighed. "I don't think so… Not me, anyway. He thinks I'm useless…" He yawned extensively; he suddenly found it hard to keep his eyes open; he moaned lightly as he tried to stay awake.

"You must be exhausted," she said. "Get some rest. You'll be fine."

He'd heard that before, mainly from Kryten, and he was getting sick of hearing it; it was all lies. He wasn't fine before and he wouldn't be later on, and he knew it.

She floated from one side of him to the other, briefly making loops in an attempt to keep him distracted, and abruptly stopped to hover beside his forearm. "And you're not useless." she told him.

He scoffed. He didn't really believe it. "You don't know me too well, Exuberant, so I'll give you the benefit of the doubt on that one." 

She let out a soft chuckle. "Sleep, Arnold. You need it." she sternly said.

Then, almost immediately, he drifted off. Exuberant watched him a moment. Occasionally his mouth and or nose would twitch and his simulated breathing would briefly become erratic, but all in all, he was sound asleep.

While he slept she found a way to remotely recharge his projection unit, and also upgraded it; while his projection unit used to last 47 hours, she made it so it would last a staggering 240 hours -- 10 whole days. Anything to keep her new hologrammatic friend around longer. She'd miss him if he left. Already she was growing fond of him; if it was at all possible, she even had developed a slight crush on him. Then again, she had yet to have seen the gigantic acehole he could be.

* * *

Meanwhile, Lister had stayed awake during the time it took Rimmer to travel aimlessly, and eventually finding Genesis; he couldn't sleep without his bunk mate. He missed not hearing him complain about pizza being left on the floor or about how he'd hum _Ganymede to Titan_ loudly and maliciously.

Linter and Kryten had been coming and going from planets and space stations, still looking for Rimmer. The two of them seemed to be the only ones concerned over his whereabouts.

Currently, they were in _Starbug_ heading back to _Red Dwarf_ from the planet Sycia. They thought had found something promising there but it turned out to be a spec on the monitor, to which Lister had said to Kryten, "We really are a Micky Mouse operation, aren't we?"

After landing, Lister entered the drive room where Cat was buffing his new gel wraps rather than doing what he was supposed to: Listening for transmissions. 

"Anything yet?" Lister wondered.

"Hmm?" The Cat was barely listening; he was too busy making himself look good for absolutely nobody -- except maybe himself.

Gawking incredulously at what he was doing, he barked, "Cat, you're supposed to be manning the comms unit!"

"Bud, you know he blocked communications days ago!"

He shrugged. "He could've tried again."

Indignantly, he responded, "Well, he didn't. He probably won't. Face it, we're not gonna find him."

"Sir, do you know what you need right now?" Kryten interjected.

"What?" he sneered with a glare of contempt.

He thrust his finger towards him. "Optimism!" 

Lister dropped his backpack onto the ground and began taking his space suit off. "He's right. I think we're getting close. We found a vapour trail."

"I'm just punching in the coordinates for that now, sir." Kryten told him. 

Cat shook his head, inwardly wondering why they were bothering. "I thought you guys hated his guts." 

"Wha? Rimmer?" Lister shrugged once more. "I mean… yeah… but, I can't stand not having him around. I miss him."

"What are you talking about, dog breath?!" He couldn't believe what he was hearing. "While you were down there, did a rock fall on your head and give you a concussion?!"

"No!" he drawled. "I just—" He looked to Kryten. "You wanna help me out here, man?"

"We _do_ need him, sir. Things aren't the same without him."

"Yeah. There's fewer screw ups, that's for sure!"

"C'mon, Cat. Are you seriously gonna stand there and tell me you don't miss him even a tiny bit?" 

The Cat stood with his arms folded. He thought about it for a moment, giving the others the impression that he did miss him. "No!" he exclaimed finally.

"Cat—"

He waved a dismissive hand. "I've gotta go do something secret," He walked out, then in a few seconds peeked his head in the doorway. "Let me know if you do find him, so I can hang myself before he shows up." He was gone after that.

Lister rolled his eyes. "All front from him, I swear," he muttered under his breath. He shrugged it off, clapped his hands, then turned to Kryten. "Well, I'm knackered. I'll get some kip. You let me know if something shows up." He gently smacked Kryten's bicep as he was leaving.

* * *

Rimmer was still fast asleep, smiling, oddly enough. He was having a strange if a tantalising dream. It was set years back. He was dressed up as Ace, of all things. He teleported inside _Starbug_ and set his flight helmet on the scanner table. Rimmer nonchalantly came in and sat down on a few crates. In front of him was Lister, sitting in the cockpit.

"About time, Cat. You're late, man," Lister slightly turned his head but still couldn't see it wasn't the Cat. He was annoyed that he hadn't taken his shift yet. "Where've you been?"

"Hello, Listy."

Surprised to hear the sound of Rimmer's voice, he whirled around. "Rimmer? Smeggin' hell! What're you doin' 'ere?"

"I got fed up with adventuring... You know what it's like: You save a few civilisations and it all gets a bit... _s_ _amey_."

Lister stared, mouth agape, still surprised to see him.

"Anyway, I thought I'd come and find the old team."

He slightly nodded. "It's good to see you..." His facial features hardened. "You real?"

Rimmer shrugged his shoulders. "I'm as real as you can get, being a hologram."

He nodded once more. He was finding it all a tad awkward; he didn't quite know what to say to the smeghead. Though, he did seem different. Lister couldn't quite place a finger on just what it was. "So," he began, shrugging. "Where've you been?"

"Argon 5," he replied. Looking deadpan, he went on, "I fought in the Bellagosian War; I was decorated and used as a Christmas tree in the town square where people came and fed me cherry liqueur chocolates for the whole winter."

Lister stared with a gaze of perplexity for a moment. He thought it was too weird for words, but then again, some civilisations _were_  extremely weird. "Wha? Really?"

"No, I'm only kidding." he drawled, shaking his head.

He still had a confused stare about him. "Kiddin'? What do you know about _k_ _iddin'_?"

He reached into his back pocket for something. "I just thought it was time I lightened up a bit," Rimmer then unexpectedly tooted a party blower. " _Hey, hey_!" he randomly exclaimed,

Once again at a loss for words and emotion, except maybe worry, Lister gawked at Rimmer. He really seemed more lively and chipper than usual.

" _Why's he looking at me like that?_ " Rimmer inwardly wondered. " _I'm being strange again, that's why,_ " He then wiped the grin he had on his face. He couldn't look Lister in the eyes without feeling embarrassed. He cleared his throat. "So, uh... how about you? How's it going?"

He shrugged again. "Ahh, y'know... Same old _Starbug_ ," He stared out the cockpit window in front of him. "Same old travelin' through space."

Nervously, his eyes flicked from the ground to Lister a few times. "I, uh— I hear you've got a new crew member."

Lister gave an affirming nod. "Yeah. Kochanski."

He had a thin lipped smile, yet every part of him just wanted to curl up in shame. " _I should've known. He always did like her more_ ," he thought. In due course, he asked, "What's she like?" Truthfully, he knew what she was like but he was hoping he'd say she was crap.

"She's okay, y'know..."

"Is she... as good as me?"

"Well, she's been here a few weeks and she hasn't quoted one Space Corps. directive." Lister said, followed by a snigger.

Rimmer couldn't help but chuckle along with him. He sighed. "She is pretty attractive, though, isn't she?"

"Is she? I haven't really noticed," he lied. "She's the type you don't really notice," Another lie. "Y'know when you eat soup and you spill some on your shirt and you don't notice it?" He brandished his hands over his tattered, curry stained shirt. "She's like that."

Rimmer knew better; he knew Lister was head over heels for her -- he could never stop staring at her, even if it was through his peripherals. 

"So, she's... _not_ as attractive as me, then?" he asked, wishing Lister would say the opposite of what he was thinking.

"Don't be daft. She couldn't hold a candle to you, man."

Heat crept into Rimmer's cheeks. He then waved a dismissive hand. "Ah, you're just saying that..." he said as he slightly grinned, blushing uncontrollably.

"No, I'm not," he drawled insistently. "I've, um— I've really missed you, man."

His smile faded into a serious-minded look. "And I've missed you too, Listy."

Lister slightly shook his head. "Oh, Arnold, man."

"Dave..."

Both of them shot up to fiercely embrace. It was the most fantastic and breathtaking thing Rimmer had felt in a long time; the last time he had experienced this feeling was when he was with McGruder. Even though it was only a hug, it was still amazing. Rimmer's mouth gaped as he unhitched his breath.

"Don't ever leave us again!" Lister exhorted, his voice muffled from his mouth being covered by Rimmer's shoulder.

Rimmer gently shoved him back to look him in the eyes. "I won't, I won't." He shook his head.

"You promise?"

"Oh, Listy." he moaned.

"Oh, Rimmsy."

In that instant, desire percolated between them both as they looked deeply into each other's eyes. Slowly but surely they leaned in; both were hesitant to make the first move but equally eager to plant one on the other. Their eyes closed, and eventually, their lips met, rolling their lips over each other in a heated frenzy. Their tongues swirled around; Rimmer's seemed to be too big for Lister's mouth -- he didn't want it to stop, but he also didn't want to gag, thus ruining the moment.

Lister had to end it, leaving a hazed, shaky and extremely aroused Rimmer to wonder what he did wrong. "Sorry," Lister panted. "I just... needed air."

He half smiled and let out a titter. "We can stop if you want..." he murmured, his voice still trembling.

"What about that?" Lister wondered, pointing at Rimmer's obvious hard-ridge. "We're just gonna leave it at that, then?"

Rimmer tried his darnedest to cover his stiffie with his shiny, aluminium foil jacket -- and failed. " _Oh, forget it!_ " he said to himself and gave up. Naturally, he resorted to his need for order, despite the fact that deep down he wanted chaos. "Honestly, Lister, you're an animal! Can't you control yourself?! Have you _no_ inhibitions?! I mean, I _know_  we're in the _cockpit_ and all, but—!"

Lister abruptly stopped his sexual innuendo by pushing him onto the dashboard. Various buttons and switches dug into Rimmer's back, nearly sullying an otherwise fine, sexy moment; however, Rimmer was too busy reeling from the sudden juxtaposition to notice it hurt like a bugger. 

Lister slid his hand under Rimmer's trousers, venturing deep between his legs and began rubbing his perineum, teasing and tormenting him with foreplay. Not wanting to tease Rimmer to the point of annoyance, Lister brought his free hand up to the stiff button on Rimmer's trousers, patiently pushing it out of the buttonhole; he pulled his trousers and boxer briefs off, revealing his erection that could have taken an eye out; he then continued to stroke him, but with more ease.

Rimmer threw his head back against the dash in response, moaning softly. He didn't even care that he hurt his head. He started to feel hazy; his entire body tensed, yet still shook. His eyes looked southwards to Lister's busy hands. "Listy, I don't think you— _Oo-oh_ _!_ " He felt his hand gripping firmly around his aching, throbbing cock.

Lister grinned as Rimmer gasped in ecstasy. He gripped Rimmer's chin with his loose hand, tilting his head back. "Just shut up, man…" he breathed. With his hot sauce laced tongue, he licked the side of his neck; he'd bite it if Rimmer was constructed of anything besides light. 

Slowly but with purpose Lister let his hand slide the length of Rimmer's shaft and then back down, pumping until the hologram was quivering and clinging onto him, digging his fingers into his back and begging for more with a harsh moan.

Sharp, little pants echoed around the cramped cockpit as did the frequent sound of skin slapping against what was basically skin while Lister worked to give Rimmer pleasure, solely to prove that Kochanski was indeed _not_ any better than Rimmer.

"Lister…" Rimmer cried out. He was trembling and gasping like a fish out of water as he came closer and closer to the peek of climax.

Taking the cry as a warning, Lister gently squeezed the base of Rimmer's shaft, relishing in the simulated reward that it supplied him with.

Then, like a tightly coiled spring finally being released, Rimmer let out a slight scream, feeling as if time had completely stopped, and he dissolved into puddle of complete and total satisfaction.

Lister looked at him, grinning. "Not to sound cliché or anythin', but… was that good for ya?"

The look of pure relaxation and ecstasy that was still plastered on his face was enough of an answer. 

Figuring it was time to return the favour, Rimmer mustered up the energy to sit up and began wrestling with Lister's belt buckle.

"No, no. Hey…" He pulled Rimmer's hands away from his groin. "It's alright. Save it for another time."

* * *

Unfortunately, another time wouldn't happen.

His eyes slowly opened, vision still bleary. His smile faded away in the realisation that it was all a dream, much to his chagrin. As much as he wanted it to be real, he also was disgusted with himself for even dreaming it. Loving someone like David Lister was one, seriously screwed up thing, but getting a handjob from the man? Out of the question. He was not homophobic by _any_ means, but he could never, _ever_  bring himself to be intimate with the likes of Lister. Yet somehow he did, albeit in dream form. Rimmer found it all confusing and frustrating.

He sighed as he turned his head to look at the time; it was unintelligible as a result of his wonky vision. He rolled his eyes. He shifted in bed; as he did he noticed an uncomfortable wet feeling against his lower extremities. He glanced down to see a spot that had soaked through the sheets. Grimacing, he tried to move away from it.

Disgruntled by not finding a spot that wasn't damp from either hologrammic come or sweat, he tore the sheets off of him. "Great, now you'll be cold, you gimboid." he said to himself aloud. He groaned in frustration as he wiped a hand over his face.

He looked down at his abdomen when he felt the familiar grumble in his non-existent stomach; he was hungry -- starving even. True, holograms typically didn't need to eat, nor did they ever feel as though their stomach was eating itself, but thanks to Legion, Rimmer did.

Rimmer ignored his body's cry for food and went back to sleep, hoping that some glitch would come along in his slumber and wipe the dream from his memory.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don't take responsibility for you needing a cigarette, cold shower or whatever else you do after giving it riz.


	3. In the Hall of the Potato King

Lister wanted nothing more than to hear the sound of Rimmer's voice, yelling at him to do something; the sound of his fingers typing away at his drive room computer. He couldn't believe he missed him. True, he'd been gone before but this time was different; this time he had no intention of returning. Rimmer wanted his me time, he finally got it.

He lied in his bunk, sinking further into a deep depression and occasionally popping the bubbles of a Tension Sheet. "Was it me?" he wondered aloud. He gazed at a framed picture of Rimmer that had been smashed by the hologram himself during one of his fits. It was laying on the table just waiting to be repaired. "Wherever you are, I hope you’re alright…"  
  
Kryten waddled into the sleeping quarters with lunch-fast — the full Lister; eggs, bacon, sausages, hash browns, onions, six slices of white toast, double-buttered on both sides with mustard, and a beer milkshake to wash it all down with.  
  
"Morning, sir!" he exclaimed cheerfully, completely unaware of Lister’s state of dejection.  
  
He sighed while he stared at his own feet. "Hey, Kryten..."

"Whatever is wrong?"

He lowered the Tension Sheet indignantly and glared at Kryten. "What's wrong? You seriously mean to tell me you don't know what's wrong with me?"  
  
He placed the tray of food on the table and eyed Lister intently. "You're still missing Mr. Rimmer, aren't you sir?"  
  
He couldn't believe that after days of moping around, they still had to wonder why. Of course he was missing Rimmer. He heavily exhaled and rolled over onto his back, spacing out to a degree. Not wanting to speak to Kryten he simply gave an affirming nod.  
  
"It’s tough, I know. I think it's affecting all of us. Mr. Cat is taking it the hardest."  
  
"The Cat? That self-centered gimboid? _He_ misses Rimmer?"  
  
" _Miss him?_ " he echoed with a chortle. "No, no. He's still disappointed we don't have champagne to celebrate with."  
  
Lister hopelessly shook his head while still popping his tension sheet. "Of course he is,"  
  
The Cat's selfishness was more annoying to Lister than his grandmother's incessant nagging; if he had one reason to use the personality tuck machine it would be to remove the Cat’s self-interest. But he still knew he couldn’t help himself.  
  
"What about you, Kryten? I can't be the only one missing him."  
  
"Certainly not. I think— Hm—"

There wasn’t a single vending machine on board that wanted him back. The fact was no-one, aside from Lister, missed him at all.  
  
"Oh, never mind..." he said with a sigh. He hopped out of his bunk and flopped down in front of his food; all he did was stare at it. "It's been days. _Days_ ," He then thrust his fork into the eggs and shovelled it into his mouth; most of it fell out and onto his shirt. "You don't think he was fed up with me?" he wondered, his voice muffled.  
  
"Why would you ask that? How could anyone be fed up with you? You are the embodiment of meticulousness and cheerfulness, Mr. Lister sir."  
  
Silence fell as the mechanoid stared at a man who hadn't showered in days, wearing a curry stained shirt and torn jeans, and was as depressed as Marvin, the Paranoid Android; at that point, Lister wasn't a scouser pal who was fun to be with.  
  
"Don't lie to me, man. I know what I look like." he muttered. He slurped his beer milkshake, then sat it back down. "Still, I wish that vapour trail wasn't a total jarg. I thought for sure we had him."  
  
It turned out it wasn't a vapour trail after all. It was one of Lister's old sneezes that had congealed on the navi-com screen. They went on a wild goose chase for hours before it was noticed.   
  
"I told you I should've cleaned up before we left, sir."  
  
Lister let out a snigger. "Rimmer would be writing us up for not having a tidy workspace right about now…" He put on a fake smile which quickly faded. "What do you think he's doing now?"

* * *

"Arnold, for the last time, I cannot do that." Exuberant told him, insistent on something.

"Oh come on, I've been good. Just one?" Rimmer begged like a little boy desperately wanting candy before dinner.

"No." she flatly told him, stern as the mother of the said boy.

"Pretty please with sugar on?"

"Arnold…" She began to waver, but she was still hesitant to cave into his pleas.

"Okay, pretty please with _many_ sugars on?" He tilted his head, pouting slightly and donned his version of adorable, big, puppy eyes; in the end, it looked exactly like his creepy mesmer-stare. Even so, no-one could resist that.

"I'm afraid the number of sugars added to the 'pretty please' still will not get you what you want. I am standing my ground," Her retina looked downward where her legs would have been if she had any. "Metaphorically."

His facial features slightly twitched as he mouthed a single word: " _Damn_." Still, he was adamant. "How hard is it to play just _one_ episode of _Victory South_?" he asked, still mimicking that whiny boy.

"Immensely, considering I don't have them."

He raised a single eyebrow, perplexed by the notion of her not having any _Victory South_ episodes readily available. He thought for sure that she was state of the art and could do almost anything, except wipe your bum — and that was only because she didn't have hands.

He leaned closer to her with arms folded. Those episodes had to be in there somewhere in her super computer of a mind. "What do you mean you don't _have them_?"

"My databanks are reserved for more pertinent information."

"Like knowing how to ensure the safety and efficiency of the inner workings of this planet and the beings that inhabit it — that sort of _'pertinent information'_?"

"More like nineteen-eighties music and films."

He stared at her in befuddlement. It was beyond his comprehension as to how that was more pertinent. He was about to ask if she was joking when she started humming the chorus of _The Reflex_ by Duran Duran.

"I was pre-programmed with the knowledge of how to safeguard this planet. The data I’ve acquired was just a bonus, thanks to the many visitors I've had."

"Why the nineteen-eighties?"

"A female human once came here; she was heavily into it. I took an interest after she played me her favourite movies and songs."

Saying that she _took an interest_  was an understatement. Technologically speaking, she knew it was inferior, but if it weren't against protocol she would replace the technology on Genesis with Sinclair units.

She caught him giving her a gaze of blankness again. "Arnold, your prolonged inactivity is proving to be quite unsettling."

He shook off his glazed, distant stare. For a moment his mind was miles away, wondering what his ragamuffin crew was up to at that moment. "Sorry, I―" His thought trailed off when he realised Exuberant wouldn't have given a rats arse about his internal musings. "Nineteen-eighties, eh? No kidding."

"Indeed. I found it all interesting; the culture, the politics... Then again, I'm easily impressed. Not a lot goes on around here. I'll take new information where I can get it. Otherwise, I'll go peculiar,"

Rimmer could understand that. He had been going peculiar for the last few months and it wasn't only getting worse. Kryten didn't have the rehydration units to tell him what was truly causing it; he thought it'd be easier if he led Rimmer to believe he was just going space crazy — it was cruel, but easier.

"Is there anything else I can do?" she asked, hoping that he'd say yes.

"No, I think I'll just go to sleep. If you could just…" He shooed her away.

"But you've only just woken up."

He thought up another excuse to get her to leave. "My light bee needs recharging."

She quickly scanned him with her beam. "You still have eighty-nine hours of power left."

"Exuberant, please." he urged through grit teeth.

"Why are you being like this? Is it because I don't have that television series you like so much?"

"No, it's not that. I just… want to be left alone for a while." 

"Are you sure?"

Truthfully, he wasn't. He didn’t want to be on his own, but he was so emotionally and mentally exhausted that he didn't want the company, either, out of fear he’d snap once more.

He nodded. "I'm positive."

Exuberant was reluctant to leave but she eventually did, hoping he wasn't going to do anything rash in the meantime. In the end spent the rest of the day and night wondering what good leaving them did. He felt exactly the same as he did on _Red Dwarf_ , just on another world. Just before falling asleep, he cried and hoped to have another dream of Lister, even if it was as erotic as the last. It was better than nothing.

* * *

The next few days were quiet — too quiet. Rimmer favoured keeping to himself, staying in various places in the hub, specifically the computer room. It was the only room that had some semblance of _Red Dwarf_ ; the sound of droning machines, the occasional beeping of workstations. It felt like home, minus the loud, obnoxious sounds of Lister mangling a few chords on his guitar.

Rimmer was sitting in the middle of the floor with his eyes shut, listening to the oddly comforting sounds.

After hours of searching, Exuberant found him.

"Arnold? Are you okay?"

His eyes slowly opened, and he took in a deep, unneeded breath. "I'm fine..." he intoned and went back into his meditative state.

"I was wondering if you wanted to accompany me for some maintenance work?"

Rimmer's eyes shot back open. Curiously, he stared at her. " _Maintenance_? What for?"

"I thought perhaps you'd prefer to have the planet changed to your liking. Maybe a variation in scenery? I've noticed you've been in a state of dejection for a few days now. I just wanted to make you happier."

As odd as it sounded, changing the planet's features to make him feel better was the nicest thing anyone had ever offered him. His mouth was slightly agape, nearly speechless. "N-no. It's quite alright." While he wouldn't mind changing at least the hub to look more _Red Dwarf_ -esque, mainly for creature comforts, there truly wasn't a thing he would alter in any way. But he did need something to do; he was getting bored. "There is _one_ thing you could do for me."

"What's that?"

He started to pace back and forth in a short line. "Could you possibly..." He brushed his palms together briefly, holding his own hands. He wheeled around to face her, then spat out the request as quickly as he could. "Get me some Astro-Navigation books?"

"I'm sorry?"

"It's just that I've never been able to pass my exams, and I thought maybe… I could study, now that I have some free time," He put his hands behind his back and rolled back on his heels. "Maybe now I can finally become an officer."

"Why do you want that? There's no-one left to be an officer to. We’re all that’s left."  
  
"Ah, I see," He began pacing again. "You think that I can’t become an officer because there’s no Academy around to award me my pips?"  
  
"Well, yes. It only makes sense, Arnold."

"Whatever…" he muttered with a scoff. "And you're wrong; we’re not the only ones left. I still have my crew."

"Your crew?" she echoed, curious. "Where are they?"

"Back on _Red Dwarf._ "

"But they're back there… and you're here. How can you be an officer to a crew that isn’t _here_?"

He waved a dismissive hand. He became slightly agitated and stressed in that instant. "Never mind that. Just… get me an Astro-Nav book before I go _cra-a-a-a-azy fr-r-rom-m-m-m bor-r-r-r-r-r-re-e-dom-m-m_!"

His face went blank when he realised he was doing it again. He hated it; that nonlinear stuttering voice terrified him. A loud, strange sound of feedback came from his light bee and his projection turned transparent for a moment.

"Are you feeling okay, Arnold?"

As a combination of motion sickness and vertigo washed over him, he unsteadily plopped down in one of the desk chairs. "I don’t _kn-now_ _wha-at_ this is," he said, voice laced with fear and pain. He panted and wheezed as he clutched his chest. "I’m s-i-i-ick of it!"

His glitches were stressing him out. Rimmer knew there'd be some complications from being an active hologram for over three million years — not to mention his gruelling, agonising excursions as Ace — but this was too much.

Exuberant had an inkling but she didn't know if she had the software to cope with telling him the truth. Rampancy was not an easy thing to explain, especially to someone who was already in the advanced stages. The news of hearing that they had a terminal computer illness almost always ended badly; they'd either explode in a fit of rage or isolate themselves completely to keep others safe.

"I— H-he-e-elp m-e-e-e." 

She knew that a busy mind at least staved off the symptoms, so she went deep into her database, searching for an Astro-Nav book. She supplied him with a hologrammatic copy of _Astro-Navigation for Idiots_  which appeared on the desk beside Rimmer.  
  
"Here you are," she cheerfully said. "One book on Astro-Navigation."

He stared at the book that was thick enough to kill someone with, then his eyes flicked to Exuberant, gawking in bemusement and incredulity. "Wha-a-a-at? _No-o-ow_?"

"It might take your mind off of things."

His simulated breathing shook. "I-I do-on’t kn-n-no-ow if I can-n fo-o-ocus ri-i-ight no-o-o-ow-w-w." 

"Shall I read to you, then?"

He stared back at her with bleary, glazed eyes and slowly nodded. He folded his arms across the desk and rested his head on them.

" _'Understanding the sextant: The sextant is a device that measures the angle between two objects. It allows celestial objects to be measured relative to the horizon.'_  Interesting… _'This makes for excellent precision'._ " With her purple retina, she glanced over at Rimmer. "Shouldn’t you be taking notes?" She didn't get a response. "Arnold?"

The light snore that emitted from Rimmer was a good indication that he was already out like a light.

She softly chuckled at how adorable he looked. She floated toward his face. In an attempt to wake him, she brushed her cold, metallic casing against Rimmer's cheek, to which he winced and moaned at and swatted her away as if she were an annoying insect.

"Perhaps you should lie down. I'm certain the bed I provided for you is much more comfortable than this desk."

He sluggishly nodded once more. He stook up, staggering for a moment. Without thinking, he grabbed onto Exuberant to keep from falling. He still hadn't recovered from his anxiety attack; his legs didn’t want to cooperate.

"Oh!" she gasped. She seesawed under his immense strength but nevertheless tried to keep him steady. "Arnold, I _can_ guide you to your room, but you need to move your hand away from my eye, so that I can see,"

Quickly, he shifted his hand. 

"Thank you," Her eye darted to him, and she asked, "Are you ready?"

He barely had the energy to speak. "Yes." he managed, then resumed keeping his mouth clamped shut.

* * *

After a twelve hour nap, Rimmer felt slightly better, crippling depression and anxiety aside. He thought maybe Exuberant was right; he did need a distraction. He sat down at the desk in his room and began reading his Astro-Nav book and started scribbling down notes. 

Suddenly, he felt a slight twinge in the location of his light bee, then it quickly subsided. Shrugging it off, he went back to what he was doing. 

He was getting nowhere; he couldn't concentrate — between wordering what his crew might've been doing and why his light bee was going on the fritz, his mind was refusing to finure out what E stood for in C-U-T-I-E. Equal? Expendable? Exasperating? This wouldn't be happening if he had access to dog-worming pills or learning drugs.

Rimmer groaned loudly and slammed his head onto the desk, then winced at the sharp and sudden pains in his nose and chin. He rubbed his face, trying to stay focused.

Another twinge occurred; this time sharper and more intense. His pen dropped out of his hands and fell to the floor. He screamed out in agony as every hologrammatic nerve ending in his body were set off at once. 

" _Not a-a-a-ga-a-a-i-in_." he managed through tightly clenched teeth. 

Then it stopped. His face went blank. His eyes observed the area as if he were searching for something. They landed on the open book on the desk; he studied it a moment before slamming it shut. 

"You're here, aren't you?" he wondered, flatly speaking. He didn't expect anyone to be there; he just felt paranoid and could feel someone’s eyes boring into him.

"You caught me." said a familiar Liverpudlian voice. 

Rimmer quickly wheeled around. There was Lister, standing there in all of his slobby glory. 

"You seem surprised to see me."

"Of course I am. How did you get here?"

"I'm not actually here," Lister said. "I'm in your 'ead. Your thoughts." He inclined his head to one side, curiously staring at him; all while sauntering up to the confused hologram. "Why don't you come back?"  

Rimmer could still feel his figment ghosting his fingers over his neck; he could smell his natural musty, vindaloo ridden scent that under normal circumstances would bother him — it was instead turning him on. Longing whispered through him. With eyes shut, mentally taking him in, Rimmer leaned into him as much as he could. 

"I can't…" Rimmer whispered.

Lister shot him a look that begged for a reason why.

"You’re not safe with me," He sniffled and wiped hologrammic tears from his eyes. "I'm supposed to keep you sane — get you back to Earth. That can’t happen if I kill you."

"That's not the only reason, though. Is it? You left because in your own weird way… you love me. You love me too much to hurt me. And that scares you."

" _Me_ , love a man who can't even quote Shakespeare?"

"Neither can you," 

They both had a chuckle, which was a dead give away that it wasn't real. They never joked around and laughed; they screamed and shouted, pulled pranks on one another and generally just got on each other's nerves — they never shared a laugh. 

"Plus that dream you had…" Lister sucked in his lower lip and lightly bit it. "That was something, eh?"

"That was…" Rimmer didn’t know how to describe it; it was electrifying yet so very wrong. "It was a dream, it meant nothing." Rimmer said as he turned away, avoiding Lister’s gaze.

"Didn’t it?"

He couldn’t stop his eyes from going back to the scouser. 

He smiled at Rimmer. "I wasn't lying before, though, Rimmer. I really do love you."

"When have you ever said that?"

Lister went to sit down and put his feet on the desk. "Back on that psi-moon. You thought everyone was only being nice so we could escape. _They_ were but I _wasn't_. I meant it."

Rimmer slipped him a curious glance, wondering if he meant any of what he said. If this was all in his mind, it obviously wasn't true. A part of him wanted to believe. "You're in my head. You're just saying what I want to hear."

Lister lifted his shoulder in a half shrug. "Who's to say I'm not?"

"The way you went on about Kochanski… I thought—"

"Guess we'll never know, eh Rimmsy?"

In a blink of an eye Lister was gone. Rimmer was alone again, in a cold, somber room, stuck with an Astro-Navigation book as his only companion. Just like old times. 

Rimmer stood in the middle of the room, his arms wrapped around himself and head bowed down. He softly sobbed. "I’m sorry. Please. Don’t leave me here." he quivered.

* * *

As time went by, Rimmer began to deteriorate further. He hadn't been sleeping and he lashed out at inanimate objects, pretending they were Lister; he’d shout at the objects for lack of cleanliness and he’d even do an impression of Lister, just so he wouldn’t feel like the conversations were one sided. Occasionally, he’d switch to soft light to conserve his energy, so he could put all of his efforts into studying and thinking.

None of this was acceptable to Exuberant; she lived to protect. She was tasked with keeping Genesis and the facilities on it in working order; with that no longer a priority, it was now her responsibility to keep Rimmer safe and sound — and she was failing.

"Arnold, please," she begged. "You must rest. I'm concerned for your well-being,"

Rimmer tuned her out. At that point he was gathering data on Genesis for no other reason than to keep his mind busy. He was up to the birth of the microorganisms by then.

"I am supposed to make sure nothing terrible happens to you."

"Why would you care?" he asked, his attention still fixated on the screens in front of him.

"I’m not sure. I shouldn’t. Computers aren't supposed to care or feel, but… I seem to have developed a… What's the word?" She paused to go back into her vast array of vocabulary. " _Bond_! That's it. There is a special bond between us, I think. I've enjoyed spending my time with you. If something were to happen, I… I fear I will end up like the other monitors: Alone, thinking myself to the brink of self-termination,"

He immediately stopped and stared at her, wishing she had a face; if she did, at least he could tell if she were lying just to make him drop what he was doing. He couldn't believe that Exuberant would care whether or not he burned himself out; surely she had better tasks than to keep him from going crazy.

"Why don't you stop now?" she softly and gently demanded. "I'll put some soothing music on, how about that?"

There it was. He was just starting to feel better, too; it was nice to hear that someone fancied him, even though she was coming from a computer. Then his mood came crashing down in an instant.

"Stop?" His head and facial features erratically twitched.

"Oh, my… I'm sorry, I—"

" _Nobody-y_  tells me wha-a-at to do!" His voice cut in and out worse than a drive through speaker.

"Arnold, you're frightening me."

" _GOOD!!_ " he shouted, his words reverberating throughout the room, voice spontaneously, briefly changing to a higher pitch. "You _should_ be frightened of me-e-e!  _I-I-I_  am the high command here! I could have yo-ou shut down!!" 

His projection flared more than a J.J. Abrams film. An episode of rampancy had set in and it was only getting worse.

"I'm afraid that's not true. Technically _I_ am the 'high command'. _I own_ this installation."

He glanced back and forth between Exuberant and the terminal he was working on before. Finally, his eyes landed on the terminal. "We'll see about that." he mumbled, just barely audible. He began entering commands that he somehow knew right off the bat, attempting to gain control over Genesis.

"What are you doing?" she asked, floating closer to him. "This is unacceptable behaviour — stop it at once!" Her urgent plea went unnoticed. "Fine," she muttered. "If that's how you want to be..." She remotely shut down the terminal; it lowered down into a platform. She then activated another device.

Rimmer looked around, confused. "W-what is—?" In that moment, his body locked up with rage. He shot Exuberant an icy glare. "You." he droned with a leer.

"I am sorry. I didn't want to do this."

"Do what?" he asked, holding back a snarl.

Pieces of dark metal started floating, forming something — that something was a Cryptum, a sealed capsule designed for self-imposed exile as punishment for failure or dishonour. Most of its occupants described it as being grounded by their parents. While this punishment was usually voluntary, Exuberant was worried for Rimmer's safety as well as angry at his back-stabbing demeanour; she saw no other option but to seal him inside, forcing him to reflect on his behaviour.

After the pieces came together, the Cryptum emitted an intense flash of blue light which rendered Rimmer unconscious; his hard light body made a loud thud as it fell to the floor. He lied there, unconscious and vulnerable. Exuberant then used her beam to move him inside the Cryptum.

The Cryptum closed up. The seal was nearly impenetrable. Only extreme force or builder AIs, otherwise known as Constructors, could open it. Needless to say, Rimmer wasn't getting out of there anytime soon.


	4. Null and Void

It had been in excess a whole year. Rimmer was still inside the Cryptum. For three hundred-eighty days he appeared to be unconscious, yet he was still able to think. However, Exuberant noticed something had changed within the last twenty-four hours: He had spontaneously woken up.

* * *

There was nothing but darkness and muffled voices and sounds that didn't register in Rimmer’s mind. He wanted to panic, he wanted to scream — he physically couldn't. He felt as though he wasn't in his body, floating through blackness. Eventually he saw a single dot of white light.

"Oh, God, I’m finally dead."

The dot became larger the closer he came to it. He tightly shut his eyes as he passed through. Afterwards he peeled open one eye. He found he wasn't in heaven or hell. He didn't know where he was.

There were multiple tunnels, each leading to what appeared to be memories of other people, even other species, from what he could tell. Some were dark, such as needless wars breaking out, others were more pleasant like babies being born and long lost lovers reuniting. It was as nice as it could have been, considering they were of GELF births and lovers.

He came to one memory; according to the records beside it, hadn't happened yet — the end of everything. Time, space, all living things. Gone. All by the hands of everyone who currently existed in the galaxy. They were slaughtering each other and destroying planets. It was like everyone in the known galaxy had gone crazy, or perhaps they were just bored and wanted to kill more than time.

It was enough to make his nonexistent heart pound in his chest. He just stared at the horror, watching the stars fade out one by one.

Out of nowhere, a woman spoke to him while he had his back turned away. "It's horrid, isn't it?"

Rimmer bit back a scream. Quickly, he turned around. For a moment he didn't recognise her. When he finally did, his face went blank. "McGruder?!"

As sure as smeg on shoes, it was her. He remembered her eyes, her face, her hair, everything. She even smelled the same as she did when they were intimate.

She slightly smiled at him. "Hey, you."

"Hi…" he uttered. He appeared baffled. Why he was seeing her here, of all places, was puzzling to say the least. He never thought he'd see her again, but now that he had, he felt happier than he had been in months. He could do anything now that she was there; if there was a time to say anything, it was at that moment. "I'm sorry I never called you…"

She shrugged her shoulders as she shook her head. "I'm over it."

Nervously, his eyes flitted from her to the ground, then back to her again. "Are you… um… over me?"

She gave another half smile. "Never."

His desire for another liaison with her flickered to life; every inch of him craved her. He was just about to lean in to plant one on her when Toto's hit song _Africa_ unexpectedly began to play. Perplexed, he looked around wondering where it was coming from.

Incidentally, it was coming from outside the confines of the Cryptum. Exuberant was putting together a playlist for Rimmer to keep him calm whilst inside. It relaxed her at least; it was one of her favourite songs amongst human made music.

Rimmer shrugged it off. " _It's fitting, I suppose._ " He tried to kiss her again but was stopped once more, this time by her.

She firmly placed her hands on his shoulders, gently pushing him back. "Listen to me: That there?" She pointed a finger at the memory he was gawking at before. "You can stop it before it even begins."

"How? I can't even save a TV dinner from burning, let alone anything else."

She leant in and whispered indistinct words into his ear, to which he mimicked a number of emotions; confusion, shock, then back to confusion. She backed away, grinning almost evilly at him.

He didn't remember her being that malicious. Grudgingly, he looked away and saw someone down the way — someone he loathed more than himself: Kochanski.

Rimmer's nose and lips twitched, signifying an incoming resentment attack, but it didn't happen. 

"Watch out, darling," McGruder said to her tauntingly. "He's a bit out of sorts at the moment." She then left the corridor.

It was just Rimmer and Kochanski, glaring at each other and not saying a word for a time.

Finally she asked, "Are you alright?"

Rimmer's breath quickened, decidedly furious. "You've come back for him, haven't you?"

"Who? Dave?" She shrugged. "Maybe…"

"Why? What makes you think _you_ can protect him? I cared for him for years. You _dare_ to take _my_ _place?!_ "

"What makes you think I haven't already?"

With eyes like daggers he glared at her. Fury exploded in his brain whilst every memory of her on board _Red Dwarf_ came flooding back; Kochanski giving Lister warm, fuzzy feelings, making love to him, making him laugh — all the things he never could do for him — and it made him insanely resentful and jealous.

"You know what? Fine. _Take over!_ " He threw his hands up. "Make Lister the happiest man ever. But know this," He got closer to her. "When I find you," He laughed mirthlessly. "I will make your life a living hell."

" _'When I find you’_?" she echoed. "You'll _never_ find me. I'll always be just a thought rattling around deep inside that brain of yours, taunting and teasing you until you finally give up _any_ hope of doing better than I did. That's what you want, isn’t it? To do better than I did at keeping Dave sane?" She tilted her head. "Or maybe… you want to love him better than I did. Well, you can't and you won't —  _ever_. He doesn't want you."

Rimmer's jaw tightened. Angry tears shimmered in his eyes. "That's a lie." he said, quavering.

"Is it?" she asked. "You were there, Rimmer. You tell me. Did he ever once let you know how badly he needed you? I don't think so."

His annoyance flared as largely as his nostrils did. He never wanted to hit a woman; he knew it was wrong to, but in that instant he didn't care. He pulled back a tightly clenched fist and swung. By then there was nothing but thin air in front of him. He staggered a moment. He looked around at the now empty hallway, panting and even more confused. Still, he was ready to prove her wrong. He bolted off to do what McGruder told him to do.

* * *

Outside the Cryptum, Exuberant saw his vitals and brain activity had suddenly spiked. It concerned her. "What _are_ you doing in there?" she wondered.

Typically, occupants of a Cryptum would enter a state of meditative hibernation, during which they would become unaware of the physical or ethereal world around them. Rimmer was the exception; he was unconscious yet subconsciously aware.

Exuberant found that he began accessing a piece of technology that was thought to have been destroyed ages ago: The Void. Cryptums, evidently, also acted as a mediator between an occupant and the Void.

The Void was an esoteric quantum information repository created by ancient beings known as the Precursors. It served as a library of experience and cultural exchange totaling to a hundred billion years worth of knowledge.

No human was known to have accessed the Void or left their impressions within — until Rimmer. There he was, sullying up a hundred billion years of information with his warped, bizarre memories and thoughts. Exuberant wouldn't stand for it; she couldn't let him use the information he had found for ill will.

"Unacceptable! _Absolutely unacceptable_!"

She hurriedly whizzed by the Cryptum, and went to the comms unit. She recalled seeing a tag that read, " _If lost, contact David Lister_ " on the back of Rimmer's uniform collar. There was also a frequency number to use to get in touch with _Red_ _Dwarf_. She didn't want to be responsible for him anymore — she figured they could deal with him. She got on the radio and sent a message. 

* * *

The Cat was seriously beginning to get peeved off, even a tad jealous. He only complied because he was promised full run of the ship for a week once they got Rimmer back. They were, of course, lying; they knew he wouldn’t do it otherwise. Not even Lister could stand game night if it meant having to play the string game.

They were travelling in _Starbug_ , following up on a possible lead.

"Man, this is getting tedious!" the Cat groaned.

"No whinging — remember the deal," Lister said. "Look, the scouter found life signs on that moon, we’re checking it out, like it or not."

"But he’s a hologram! Holograms don’t have life signs!"

Lister shrugged. "Alright, so we track down whoever _does_ own these life signs and ask if they’ve seen him."

Cat scoffed. "You guys are both hypocrites."

"You what? _Hypocrites_?"

"I lose something, you all tell me to get over it; Rimmer takes off and you’re all rushing to get him back! How is that fair?"

"Sir, losing your singing tie pin is hardly the same as losing Mr. Rimmer!"

"How’s that? You got annoyed with both of them!"

Lister shook his head and sighed heavily. Suddenly looking decidedly horrified, he gulped and sunk back into his seat. "Oh smeg."

The life signs they found belonged to GELFs; the same Kinitawowi tribe that Hackhackhack Ach Hachhachach, Lister's GELF bride, was a part of.

"Why didn’t the scouter recognise them?"

"Well, it did take quite a beating from Mr. Rimmer, sir, don't you remember?"

It was true; one day they were going to scrounge up what they could on a derelict Simulant ship. Rimmer was dead set against going, but as usual, he was out voted. He stayed behind on _Red Dwarf._ While they were gone he started screaming obscenities at the scouter for finding the ship and he began whacking it with a spanner.

"Suggest we go into leg-it mode, sirs — before they find us."

"Now that’s a tune I can dance to!" Cat exclaimed. He then started to turn the ship around.

Swiftly, Lister stopped him. "No,"

Kryten and Cat looked at him with eyes full of shock and slight annoyance.

"They might have seen him."

"And if they haven’t?"

" _Then_ we can scarper."

* * *

They landed safely on the GELF moon. As soon as they stepped off of _Starbug_ , they were greeted by the disgusting smell combination of cow manure and wet dog. They crossed a small bridge which is on the edge of a village of small mud and thatch huts.

The GELF leader was alerted of their arrival. He stomped out and strode up to Lister.

Lister sheepishly waved. "Hiya…"

"Nu!" he shouted. "Nu dega tu norugu?!"

Kyrten leant in toward Lister. "He says, 'You dare to show your face here?!'."

"Ah… well, you see—"

"Droloa tura gekk seka!"

Lister didn’t bother to let Kryten translate what he said in English; he felt it was clear what he was shouting about. "Look, I’m sorry, alright? It wasn’t her, it was me! I’m a commitment-phobic! It wouldn’t have worked, anyway. She’s obviously an Aries!"

He simply grunted in response.

"Listen, we’re looking for someone — a hologram. Arnold Rimmer. Have you seen him?"

Kryten roughly translated what Lister said in Kinitawowi. The leader shook his head no.

Lister sighed. "Alright… Thanks anyway."

They began walking back to _Starbug_ but stopped as soon as soon as they heard the leader shout.

"Degah nie aghasah?!"

They turned around in unison and grimaced nervously.

"Nu gaha witaga raja!"

"Oh, dear." Kryten uttered.

"What? What’d he say?"

"He’s demanding a redo, sir…"

"What, now?!" He looked at his non-existent watch. "I don’t think we have the time." he told the GELF leader.

"Gega di watasha, shi baka!"

"I’m afraid we don’t have much choice…"

Frustrated, Lister jumped about like an upset kangaroo, groaning and cursing. The regret of coming here had finally hit him.

"Relax, bud. It’ll be like last time — you’ll go ahead with the wedding and we’ll come get you later!"

Lister stopped and glared at the Cat.

"They’ll be expecting that, sir."

"So, what do we do?" Cat asked.

Kryten motioned them to gather into a huddle. They whispered indistinctly, occasionally glancing up to look at glowering GELFs. Eventually, they agreed they only had one option. One by one, they stood straight and grinned at GELFs, then sprinted off toward Starbug.

The leader hopelessly shook his head as he watched them run. He uttered the one word he knew in English: "Gits."

* * *

They hauled arse into _Starbug_ , hurriedly took their respective seats in the cockpit and took off. After they broke atomosphere and were well away from the dreaded GELF moon, Lister let out a relieved sigh.

"You’re not even gonna say it, are you?" Cat wondered.

"Say what?"

"I can’t believe it!"

"What??"

Cat looked at Kryten. "Can _you_?"

Kryten shrugged, also lost as to what the hell he was going on about.

"Can’t believe what?!"

"That you ain’t gonna say it!"

" _Say what_?!" Lister demanded one last time.

"That I was right!"

"Fine, you were right. We shouldn't have come," he soothed. "Does that help?"

"Not really," he said with a confused grimace. "I thought it would’ve. Still, at least you admitted it."

He shook his head. "Takin’ her home…" he announced with a sigh and a flick of some switches.

Back on _Red Dwarf_ , Exuberant’s message was received. Of course, no-one was there but SNACKY who couldn’t very well push any buttons to reply, so it was left on their voicemail. From there it was transfered to _Starbug_.

"Sirs, we have a voice message."

Lister’s face instantly lit up. "Is it Rimmer?"

"Why would it be him?"

He shrugged his shoulders. "You never know. Maybe he changed his mind."

"Playing the message now, sirs."

" _031_   _Exuberant Witness to Red Dwarf. I currently have your hologram, Arnold J. Rimmer, in custody, so if you could please come and retrieve him… I'd be very appreciative. Message ends._ "

"Oh, thank heavens!" Kryten exclaimed. He was deeply worried about Lister missing Rimmer so badly; not even curry night was enough to make him happy anymore. "Exuberant must have had him in custody for three-hundred-eighty-one days now."

"Three-hundred-eighty-one days?" the Cat echoed, incredulous. "It took her _that_ long to get sick of Goalpost Head?"

"Must be a new record," Lister jested, nudging the Cat with his elbow.

"There’s coordinates attached. Punching them in now," Kryten tapped some keys and got a visual of where the coordinates led to. "They’re in the Nomos system, on Nomos II."

"Alright, let's get back, grab some supplies and head on out."

"Just let me make myself look good before we leave."

Lister's eyes narrowed. "What for?"

He stumbled over unintelligible words for a moment while joy fluttered around his heart. Cat had instantly became attracted to Exuberant. He of course didn't know she was a tiny, floating AI; none of them did. He just knew she was a she, and she sounded sexy. 

After a few seconds of not speaking like he was tongue tied, Cat was on the defensive. "I have to have a reason?! Maybe I just want to look better than you, Monkey Boy!" 

"Alright, alright. Forget I asked," Lister soothed as put his hands up in defeat. "Just be ready in two minutes."

"Two minutes?! _Two_ _minutes?!?!_ Are you serious?"

"Would three minutes work for you?"

The Cat rubbed his chin, debating. "Make it four — and don’t wear anything that would take the focus off of me." 


	5. You're the next in Line

It took the Boys from the Dwarf a day and a half to reach Rimmer and Exuberant. It would've taken longer if they hadn't increased  _Starbug's_ speed to three hundred per cent oh so long ago.

"What the smeg are we looking at?" Lister wondered.

"Genesis, or Nomos II," Kryten replied. "It was literally built over four million years ago."

He slightly scrunched up his facial features, confused as a homeless man on house arrest. "How d’you mean _built_?"

"It was made by beings known as the Builders. They created it to make other artificial planets to help refugees — but one day all organic life on each of these planets, Genesis included, ceased to exist."

"Any idea why?"

Kryten shook his head. "No-one knows, sir. Along with Stonehenge and your unbelievable ability to fly _Starbug_ completely inebriated, it is one of the  _biggest_  mysteries out there."

Then, acting as if he didn't just hear Kryten throw a slight low-blow to his ego, he wondered, "Then who contacted us?"

"Of course!" Kryten exclaimed, slapping his knee. "These worlds all had an AI monitor, to ensure that everything ran smoothly. Most likely that's who got in touch with us."

The Cat eyed Lister with a trace of puzzlement, as usual. "So, it wasn't a woman?" he asked, glancing back at Kryten.

"I'm afraid not, sir…"

He sunk back into his seat and griped. "Man…" He brandished his hands over his sparkling, midnight-blue outfit. "All dressed up and no one to hump!"

Lister sniggered at the Cat's expense, not bothering to hide it. He switched to auto-pilot. "Gear up," he told them. "We'll break atmo in twelve minutes."

* * *

 _Starbug_ landed nearly in the same area as Rimmer did. The first thing they saw when after stepping out was _Blue Midget's_  precarious placement; they gawked at it a moment.

Lister shook his head, grinning at the hologram's cock-up. He chortled. "Yeah, he's here…" 

Whirling around with the psi-scan, Kryten observed the area; he nearly made himself dizzy. "This place is incredible! The bio-readings are unlike anything we’ve seen before. There’s a formalness and precision to it all. It seems artificial but… still organic."

"It gives me the creeps." The Cat shuddered. 

"Me too, now that you mention it. We'll just get Rimmer and be on our merry." Then a purple glow in the distance caught Lister's eye. "What's that?" He pointed out ahead. "D'you guys see that?"

"Oh! More of you!" Exuberant exclaimed indistinctly to the others. She hurriedly flew towards the trio. "Hello. I am 031 Exuberant Witness, monitor of this installation." She then scanned each of them. "Oh! _You're_ David Lister."

He gave her a cheeky wave. "Hiya."

"Kryten 2X4B 523P and… Cat? Hmm… intriguing. A pleasure to meet you all. Thank goodness you're here! I’m afraid I can’t look after your friend any longer. He is just terrible!"

"Yeah," Lister chortled and looked at the Cat and Kryten. "We know…"

"You do? But you've only just arrived. I didn't tell you about his plan in my message. Or did I? I’ve been so preoccupied with keeping him from advancing, I cannot remember."

Kryten inclined his head, confused by what she said. "Plan?"

"I'll explain along the way," She began gliding off in the direction she came. "Follow me, please," she said, sounding like a cheerful walking tour guide. 

* * *

Lister, the Cat and Kryten were led to the hub by Exuberant; they entered and went down a long hallway. As they were ambling through, Cat stopped; the others did the same.

The Cat shushed. "You guys hear that?" 

Lister and Kryten listened intently to the sounds of a piano slowly playing an oddly familiar tune.

Kryten knew it well; to be honest, there wasn't much of anything he _didn't_ know. " _Clair de Lune_ ," he mused. "I've heard this many times on the _Nova Five_."

"Where's it coming from?"

"From Arnold's Cryptum," Exuberant replied. "I compiled a list of songs that I thought would keep him relaxed while inside."

They entered the room where Rimmer was being kept, safe and sound. Well, he was safe — Exuberant wasn’t sure how sound he was. Smack dab in the middle of the room was a huge orb, covered in what could be described as cracks which were illuminated by a neon blue glow.

"What the smeg is that thing?"

"That is the Cryptum." Exuberant replied.

Lister was befuddled by the massive, metal sphere. He briefly looked to Exuberant then back at the Cyrptum. "He's in there?"

"Yes," she flatly said. "There’s been a lot of activity as of late. I'm worried he may have gotten lost in deep meditation."

"Meditation?" the Cat echoed with some perplexity.

"Mm-hmm. The Cryptum was designed for extended, forced meditation. I placed him inside when he was… well, let's just say, misbehaving."

Heavily, Lister sighed. "What'd he do now?" he wondered, sounding like a disappointed father talking to the school’s head-master.

"A better question would be: What hasn't he done? And still, he continues to meddle from inside."

The Cat moved a little closer to the Cryptum. "I thought you said he was meditating," he said as he lightly and curiously poking at it with his finger.

"He is, but occupants do tend to retain awareness. He's been thinking, talking… planning… all subconsciously."

"Planning for what, Exuberant?" Kryten asked, imploring her for a bit more clarity.

Lister waved his hand in dismissal. "Don't worry about it, Krytes, he's probably just planning to reorganise his shoe trees."

"I’m afraid it's much worse."

"How could it be worse?"

"Well, it depends on how high or low galaxy wide domination ranks on your good to bad scale, David." Exuberant stated in a rather unnervingly calm and collected voice.

Both Lister’s and Cat’s stomach turned; colour drained from their faces. Even Kryten’s fear chip was going into overdrive.

"How does he plan to do that?" Lister wondered.

"On Genesis and many other planets, there are dormant constructs called Guardians. They were designed to police the lesser planetary systems and enforce peace. Arnold plans to reactivate them."

The Cat shrugged. "That sounds great! Why is that a problem?"

"The key word is 'enforce'. If anyone steps out of line, if anyone acts against him, they will be punished severely."

His feline-like heart sank. "Okay, sounding less great."

"Can we get him out of here?" Lister asked. "Maybe we can somehow convince him to stop this before it starts."

"One moment," She hovered over to the controls for the Cryptum. She then booted up the waking process. "You may want to wait outside. He might feel confused and could lash out when he sees you."

"I’m sure it's nothing we haven't seen before. We can manage."

"Trust me. I've been monitoring his thoughts — most of them included you and your friends, and they were deeply disturbing. For your own safety, please, you need to go."

Nervously, Lister looked to the others. He swallowed hard. "Outside it is, then." 

Exuberant waited for them to leave before she opened the Cryptum. She called the constructors to open it, as she had no way of doing it herself. When the millennial seal was broken, the Cryptum emitted an intense flash of white light. As it opened, it parted outward in three sections above the middle, revealing Rimmer, who was still in a somewhat meditative state.

Rimmer appeared calm and serene for the first time in a long, long time. There was something else different about him — something that should not have happened: He was no longer a hologram.

"Oh my," she gasped. "You really have been meddling, haven't you?"

Rimmer moaned as he came to. Everything was a blur; noises around him were muffled. " _What the smeg is that thumping?_ " he inwardly wondered. Exuberant called out his name multiple times but he didn't hear her; he was too busy taking in his blurred surroundings. " _My head… God, I feel sick_ ," Over time his vision cleared and his hearing was restored. Loudly, Exuberant said his name one last time. Rimmer covered his ears and winced. "Alright! You don't have to yell!"

"I'm sorry, Arnold, but you weren't responding. How are you feeling?"

"A little odd, if I'm perfectly honest." He groaned as he got up, and observed the room a bit, rubbing the back of his neck. He felt so lost.

"Some disorientation is to be expected and will fade momentarily." she emotionlessly stated.

He turned to see the disassembled Cryptum behind him. "So, how long have I been out?" he asked while kneading his tense shoulders.

"It’s been a while, Arnold."

"How long is 'a while'?"

"I won't beat around the bush. A really long time."

Rimmer crossed his arms. "Exuberant, that's still beating around the bush. Just tell me."

"You've been in extended meditation for roughly three-hundred-eighty-two days."

" _Three-hundred-eighty-two_ _days?!_ " He swore it was only yesterday that it all happened. "I missed my birthday… _and_ my deathday," he mused. Disappointment sagged through him; true, neither occasion meant much to him, but a cake would have been nice. He stared at Exuberant with narrowed his eyes. "Why did you wake me?"

"Many reasons. Mostly it was the disturbing idea of—"

" _Disturbing_?" Rimmer reiterated indignantly, glaring at her. "Ms. McGruder didn't seem to find it very _disturbing_ , Blinky."

Exuberant had never emulated confusion until that moment. "McGruder? What _are_ you talking about?"

Rimmer didn't answer her. He still scoped out the room, looking for some semblance of recognition; his memory was taking some time to recover.

"Arnold, your friends are here," Exuberant told him, hoping that hear about their arrival would change his mind and he'd go back with them. "They're waiting just outside this room."

His eyes scanned her metallic, orb-shaped body, looking for a lie somewhere in her casing. " _They couldn't be here_ ," he thought. " _They wouldn't…_ "

"They want to bring an end to your plan as much as I do, Arnold."

Yvonne McGruder had told him there’d be difficulties, that others would try to stop him — she was right. He couldn't trust anyone.

"They—?" He bit back the rest of his question. Rimmer tilted his head, staring frigidly at Exuberant. "Thank you… for releasing me," he intoned. He walked over to a terminal, the same terminal he was working on before his little friend rudely interrupted him, and pressed a single button. "But I’m afraid your services are no longer required," he said with an evil grin. He waved at her. "Adiaŭo, Exuberant."

"W-what?"

"I’ve revoked most of your administrative privileges."

"Most? I still have some control, then?"

"Indeed you do. Over doors." He folded his arms and glanced at the door behind her. "Which reminds me: Be a doll and let Lister in, will you?"

She just hovered in front of him, fuming. If she had hands, she’d use them to knock his lights out. 

"Exuberant?"

Still, she stared at him. She was furious; her installation was taken away from her, and for what? To carry out his plans? She couldn’t stand it. However, she had hope that the others would stop him, so she gave in to his order. Suddenly, the door slid open, and Exuberant floated off.

* * *

The Cat noticed something was different about her. The once cheerful monitor was noticeably down. "Hey, little bud. What happened?"

She rotated to face him, then peered at Lister and Kryten. "It’s starting."

"Already?" Lister asked. "I dunno about you, but when I wake up, the last thing I wanna do is bring about peace like some galactic hippy. I'd rather sleep in."

"It seems Arnold is unfazed by being in forced meditation. He wants to see you, Dave. I know how he feels about you. Perhaps you can stop him."

"How he _feels_?"

"Yes! Deep down, he— Oh, never mind! There’s no time. Just go inside. He doesn't like to be kept waiting."

His eyes nervously darted, looking at Kryten and Cat for a reason not to go in. He was terrified; there was no telling how he’d react. Three-hundred-eighty-two days of just Rimmer and his own rampant thoughts and emotions would be enough to drive an insane person mad. 

"Alright. Just give me a moment."

Lister remembered the munitions store they passed on the way. He'd feel better if he had a weapon on him, just in case Rimmer went off his rocker again. He went back to munitions store and grabbed a rifle. 

It was unlike anything he’d seen before; it was dark coloured and parts of it glowed orange. If fired, it projected bolts of charged hard light that pierced and destroyed any organic material. It wasn’t very effective unless it was used in close quarters.

He hoped he didn’t have to use it, but he’d rather be armed when approaching a mentally unstable Rimmer. 

* * *

Lister went back and entered the room. Rimmer had his back turned to him, staring intently at something.

Lister didn’t speak, he hardly breathed. He could have commanded him to stop the madness, begged him to come home — he couldn’t. Instead, he looked around the dark, metallic, immaculate room filled with technology far more advanced than anything he had seen before.

The room smelled of an odd combination of mint and ozone. It was also cold in more than one sense of the word; he could feel the loneliness within, all the tears Rimmer must have cried while he was locked away. It was almost unbearable to be there. 

Lister’s foot shifted, making a slight noise that caught Rimmer’s attention. The way he looked at him, as if he were a stranger in his home, it was enough to make Lister nervous. He wondered if Rimmer remembered who he was. 

"Rimmer? It’s me."

He paced around Lister, sizing him up. Rimmer was honestly more intimidating when he wasn't speaking. He didn't have to say anything for Lister to know what he was thinking; it was obvious his thoughts were impure.

Rimmer stopped in front of Lister and stared deeply into him, eyes digging into him like a mole. "Dave…" he intoned as he gave a slight tilt of his head.

Lister let out a slight sigh of relief. He was certain Rimmer had been lost for so long that he didn’t have any memory of him. "Hey," He looked him over, realising the blatantly obvious hologram indicator was missing from his forehead; his uniform was also black instead of a navy blue. "You’ve erm… changed."

He gave a short, mirthless laugh. "It was time."

There was still something Lister didn't understand; actually, there were a million things he didn't understand. He figured he'd ask one question at a time. "Why did you leave?"

The corner of his mouth twitched. Rimmer stared at Lister and ignored his query. "I'm glad you're here. It’s so good to see you again." He gave him a warm smile.

Lister couldn't help but feel cynical; Rimmer was way too happy and relaxed — he knew he was up to something. Lister leered at Rimmer a moment. "Rimmer, what's going on here?"

"What do you mean?"

"Calling me by my first name, playing nice…"

His face went blank. "What would you have me do?"

"Dunno… It's just weird seeing you not so… you know… smegheaded." 

Rimmer bared a wide grin. "Can’t I be happy to see you?" he asked.

Lister shrugged. He turned away, looking around nonchalantly and eyeing various machines. He didn’t dare disturb a thing in case he’d inadvertently break something; he knew it’d piss Rimmer off, and considering his emotions were as unstable as water, it was a wrath Lister would rather not incur.

While Lister wasn't looking, Rimmer's face hardened to a cold, heartless gaze. He glanced back at something behind him: The dismantled Cryptum Exuberant used to imprison him.

"She's here, you know," Rimmer told him, lying through his teeth.

Lister wheeled back around. His eyes squinted as he tried to figure out who he meant. His eyes widened and glowed with excitement when he pieced it together. "Krissy? She's here?"

He gave a slight affirming nod, then gestured his thumb behind him. "She's just back there." Rimmer then began to leisurely walk towards Lister as he gazed into him.

Lister peered intently beyond Rimmer. "I don't see her. Are you sure you're not hallucinating?"

Rimmer subtly grazed his fingers over a button; he pushed it — now he just needed to stall. He ambled further towards Lister; with one step forward, Lister took one back. Eventually, they both stopped inches away from each other's faces. Rimmer didn't speak; he just stared deeply.

"Rimmer, you're freakin’ me out." he stated, quivering.

Everything about the scenario was unsettling; the closeness, the eye contact, and he wouldn't swear to it but he was certain he felt something hard against his thigh.

He shushed him. "Don’t be frightened of me," he whispered. "I’ve just… missed you." He slowly reached out and gently touched Lister on his cheek. His stubble was almost too much for Rimmer to tolerate. He let out a quavering breath. "I’ve waited so long to do that." At that point he wasn't being conniving weasel anymore; he truly longed to stroke his fingers across Lister's skin.

"Look, you know I don't—"

Rimmer quickly cut him off. "Shhh!" He put a finger to Lister’s lips. "No talking," He leaned in closer. His finger slowly moved from his lips, tracing lightly down to Lister's chest. Rimmer leaned into his neck, his slightly gaping lips were just centimetres away from his mocha skin. He closed his eyes, and exhaled shakily, extensively; his breath tickled Lister’s neck. Rimmer lingered there a moment. Finally, he softly said, "I'm sorry."

Lister could barely get a word in; the Cryptum began forming around him. He suddenly froze in place. All Lister could do at that moment was stare wide-eyed at Rimmer, terrified and furiously.

"I just needed to know if I could still trust you," Rimmer said, voice quavering. He was almost remorseful of sealing him inside that hellhole — almost. His eyes scanned over every bit of Lister's motionless body. "You’ll be safe in here until my work is done." He began walking away.

Lister struggled but finally got a single word out while Rimmer had his back turned: "Smegger." he managed, his slur hissing through tightly clenched teeth.

He stopped, only briefly. He would be hurt if he hadn't had that derogatory insult hurled at him so many times before. Still, he had a livid, malicious look upon his face as he left Lister to stay in his tomb.


	6. Guilty by Design

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Rimmer loses his mind, Kryten calls in some back-up.

Kryten and the Cat patiently waited outside for ten minutes. Kryten had a feeling their reunion would be lengthy — that didn’t worry him; what _did_ worry him was the fact they weren’t hearing raised voices. Eventually they heard footsteps, only one set. They expected to see Lister walk through of the door, but saw Rimmer instead.

"Ah, sir!" Kryten exclaimed. He looked around, peering behind Rimmer in search of his Liverpudlian friend — he was nowhere to be found. "Where’s Mr. Lister?"

"He’s taking a nap I'm afraid."

Looking perplexed, as per usual, the Cat wondered, "How the hell could he sleep at a time like this?"

"Well, sir, it _was_ a long journey."

Rimmer scoffed, staring at them in derision. "You're both so naïve, it's almost painful to be around you," In that moment it dawned on him the one flaw in his otherwise brilliant plan: He forgot about the B-team. "In fact, if it weren't for that thing being hermetically sealed, I could easily do away with you two right now."

Kryten cocked his head like a confused dog. "Sir?"

He dismissively shrugged it off. "Still, I don't think he'll be the same when he comes out of there," he mused. "God knows I wasn't." He looked down at his trembling hands, then tightened them into fists.

"Well, wake his ass up! I’ve seen enough of this place to fule my nightmares for a year!"

"Can’t." Rimmer simply replied, turing his back to them.

"Why not, sir?" 

Rimmer began pacing in front of them. "I mean, _you_ can go, and I suggest you go as far as possible — but I’m not leaving."

"What could possibly be here for you?"

"Well, someone has to look after Lister."

"Lister?" Cat echoed incredulously. "But he’s coming with us!"

He scoffed. "I know for a fact that _Starbug_ can’t carry that big of a payload."

"Oh, please, sir. Give him some credit — he’s not _that_  much overweight."

Hopelessly, Rimmer shook his head, unable to believe his hints were flying past their heads. Then again, he should’ve known to expect this. "No, you dolts! I sealed him inside the Cryptum!"

"What for?"

"I needed to make sure he wouldn't stop me."

"Why shouldn't he, bud? You’ve completely flipped."

"He’s right. Exuberant told us what you have planned, and we’re begging you to reconsider. We all think it's—"

"Disturbing?" Rimmer finished.

"Well, yes."

He pinned them with a furious yet desiring gaze. "I _can’t_ … back down now. Not when I’m so close." 

"Close to what, sir?"

He panted as he recalled his visions. "I saw the end of everything," he quavered slightly. "Gelfs, Simulants… even you lot were all dead. Everyone just—" He stopped to catch his breath. "I knew it had to be prevented, and this is the only way."

"Sir, are you certain your sanity chip is fully screwed in? This foolhardy plan of yours beggars logic. Nobody will adhere to your laws, wars will break out — I don’t think you appreciate what you're attempting to do. If anything, _you’ll_ be the reason everything ends."

Rimmer clasped his hands behind his back. "I've taken all the necessary precautions, Kryten. I know what I'm doing. I’ve already built an army of droids. They’ll take care of everyone who steps out of line,"

Except these droids were ninety percent composed of Rimmer and would most likely flee at the first sight of danger rather than fight, despite his delusions of persecution.

"If not," he continued. "My Garudians will do the rest."

"If may, I would like to respond with a quote from Einstein: ‘ _Peace cannot be kept by force; it can only be achieved by understanding_ ’."

Rimmer stopped pacing. His nose slightly twitched, glaring at him in contempt. Sharply, he inhaled. "And _I_ will counter with Jamisin: ‘ _It is important to appreciate beauty, even when it is evil_ ’. It's simple, Kryten. If there's no trouble, there will be no need for discipline."

The Cat leaned in toward Kryten. "This guy is insane." he muttered to him.

They weren't nearly as quiet as they thought they were. "What’d you say?" His every muscle tensed as anger welled up inside of him. "Insane?!" he echoed. Rage was rapidly bubbling up.

"You probably should not have said that, sir."

"You think I'm insane?!" he yelled, filling them with fear.

"You _really_ should not have said that…"

Rimmer got right up in the Cat’s face. "Well?!" he barked. His raised voice caused him to jump.

"N-no," Cat insisted in a high pitched voice. "What would make you think that, bud?" Anxiety swirled within him whilst he tried his best to keep cool on the outside.

Mirthlessly, Rimmer chuckled, and in seconds he and the whole room was engulfed in a flash of white light — nothing happened afterwards; at least not to Rimmer and Kryten.

Cat was baffled from what just occurred; something didn’t seem right. He felt changed somehow. He touched what used to be lustrous, neat hair, only to find he was then sporting a bowl cut. "What the hell is—?" He let out a gasp, noticing a lisp when he spoke. "No…" he whimpered, realising what he had become.

Using biokinesis, one of his newly developed abilities, Rimmer had changed him into the Duke of Dork himself, Duane Dibbley. All that was missing was a thermos, gel sandals, a pocket protector and a sweater vest to top off a stereotypical geeky outfit. Duane’s traits, however, were all there. Unless Rimmer challenged him to a cook off, he would be utterly hopeless.

Rimmer smirked. "A problem, your royal geekness?" His eyes flicked from the Cat to Kryten. "Now, how shall I render _you_ useless?" he wondered, rubbing his chin.

An unexpected explosion rumbled the entire complex, followed by one of Rimmer’s soldiers being thrown against the window by an unknown force. Both Duane and Rimmer were lost as to who might have caused it.

Exasperatedly, Rimmer let out a heavy sigh. "I can never get a moment's peace!" he spat. He stormed off to check it out, leaving his two compadres on their own.

"Quickly, sir," Kryten urged. "Before he comes back." He took Duane by his forearm and gently pulled alongside him.

“What was that?" Duane wondered.

"I called for backup when we couldn't find Mr. Lister," He and Duane stopped at a lift. "I didn't think she'd be here that quickly." he muttered under his breath. " _Then again, Mr. Rimmer meant everything to her._ "

* * *

"What do you think you're doing?!" Rimmer demanded, scolding his already fleeing army. He spotted one who was sneaking off. " _You!_ " he shouted. He snapped his fingers and pointed at the ten droid soldiers who were far off in the distance. "After them! And send them to the scrap heap when you’ve caught them!"

It mumbled a few obscenities in his distorted, robotic voice as he leisurely walked away in the opposite direction.

Rimmer lifted a single finger. "Uh, excuse me?" The droid didn't stop. "Hey!" he shouted, then muttered, "Ah, forget it!" He waved a dismissive hand in the droid’s direction. He couldn't exactly blame them for leaving; their personality was derived from his, after all. Rimmer then left to find the person, or persons, responsible for the explosion.

Further in the distance, one of Rimmer’s soldiers had pinned a human down by their wrists. Their face was half covered by a veil, but bright blue eyes were visible and glowed with fear. They struggled to break free. The soldier charged up is laser beam; the person recoiled as best as they could. They were eventually able to get a leg underneath it and kicked it off with great force. The soldier staggered a moment as the human got up. Quickly, they shot the droid solider right between the eyes; it fell to the ground.

The human took off their veil; it was Aria Harkness, Rimmer’s quasi love interest. "Holy hell!" she piped. Suddenly she heard footsteps. She quickly drew up her firearm. 

"Ma’am?" Kryten apprehensively uttered. 

She let out a chortle, relieved to hear his voice. "Kryten!" She waved him over. As they approached her, she saw someone she hadn’t met before. "Who’s this?"

"This is Mr. Cat."

She incredulously stared at Cat, or Duane, with an arched eyebrow. "Really?"

"He used to be. This is Duane Dibbley. Mr. Rimmer somehow changed him to his geeky alter ego."

The other eyebrow finally joined the other. "Well… hello."

Heat crept into Duane’s cheeks as he eyed the beautiful woman he had ignored in the past. "Hello, miss." he said with a dorky, nervous wave. 

She tittered nervously, then turned her attention back to Kryten. "Not that I don’t like fighting off killer robots, Kryten," she began with arms folded. "but if I wanted to do that I’d have travelled with the Doctor," She looked around and realised they were one scouser short. "Where’s Dave?"

"Mr. Rimmer has him held captive. He’s gone completely off the rails!"

"How off the rails are we talking?"

"Well, if the rails are here," Kryten used his hand as an example and placed it in front of him. "then Mr. Rimmer is way out here…" His other hand was placed as far as he could stretch.

Her head bobbled. "That _is_ off the rails…"

Exuberant was hiding behind a tree, watching them for a long time before deciding to make herself known. " _Another_ human? My, I thought you all died out." Exuberant glided over to them. "Hello. I am— Oh. It's you. You're still alive," she stated in disbelief. "Totally radical." she said with a chuckle.  
  
"You two know each other?" Kryten asked.

All those years ago Aria landed on Genesis — her excuse to her Torchwood team was, "I need a vacation." — and she introduced Exuberant to a whole manner of nineteen eighties culter.  
  
Not knowing what to say at first, she shrugged her shoulders. "I get around a lot, Krytie."

Out of nowhere, a Guardian teleported above their heads; its slip space blast acted as an EMP and nearly knocked out Kryten's power, causing him to fall to his knees.  
  
After they collected themselves and checked for sewage plants in their trousers, they examined Kryten and helped him up.  
  
"Are you alright?" Aria gently placed her hands on his shoulders.  
  
"I'm fine, thank you, Diane." He shook it off, emitting low registering beeps as he did so.  
  
They all looked upwards at the five Guardians that now loomed over them in the sky.

"Why has he called so many?" Exuberant pondered. "A single Guardian can effectively police a solar system. This show of force is unsettling."  
  
Aria's heart drummed in her chest as terror overtook her face. "I-I'm sorry, ' _police_ '? ' _Show of force_ '?!"  
  
"Indeed. Guardians enforce peace. If anyone steps out of line, a Guardian will incinerate the offender."

"Oh, lovely."

"There’s something else you should know, ma’am," Kryten stated. "Mr. Rimmer is no longer a hologram."

"He’s _alive_?"

"Precisely," Exuberant interjected. "Now that he is, he can access the technology here that he otherwise couldn’t when he was deceased. Enter: the Guardians."

Aria sighed heavily. "It can’t get any worse than this,"  
  
In that moment, dozens of Rimmer's droad soldiers phased in and began attacking them. Lucky for them, none of them could shoot straight.

"I stand corrected!"  
  
"Quickly! Get inside this structure!" Exuberant led them to a nearby building, providing them temporary shelter. "Mind the mess. The Guardian slip space bubbles are bringing in a considerable amount of rubbish from their origin planets. Most of it I threw in here for now," she stated.  
  
Droids brought in the heavy artillery, blasting the building in an attempt to drive them out.   
  
"As you can see, Genesis's defences are targeting you."  
  
"Us?!" Aria shouted over the sounds of gun blasts.  
  
"They were originally built to assist me when making seed worlds. Arnold must have reprogrammed them. They're under his orders now, and you are considered intruders."  
  
"Oh, great!" she sarcastically exclaimed. "This is your installation. Can't you just tell them to let us through?"  
  
"No, most of my administration privileges have been revoked by your friend. But worry not! I still have control over some aspects of this facility."  
  
"So what do we do, Exuberant?" Kryten asked.  
  
"We can hold up here until they back off," She observed the area a moment, checking to see if there were no hostiles inside. "All clear."  
  
Suddenly, they heard a rustling noise from the back of the room. Despite Exuberant's thorough inspection, she didn't check the hard to reach spots.  
  
A familiar voice spoke. "H-hello?" 

This voice sounded like a certain hologram of theirs, or rather his slightly more braver counterpart, Ace.  
  
"Mr. Rimmer? Is that you?"  
  
The being flinched and jumped back. "Where?!" The being whirled around to find that only shelves were behind him. "Oh... False alarm."  
  
Aria cautiously walked up to it and examined it further. "It's a droid," she stated as she glanced back at them.  
  
It was one of Rimmer's AI soldiers. He refused to fight anyone and was dumped, left to rot with the rest of the junk in the building.  
  
"Isn't this thing dangerous? Shouldn't we shoot it?" Duane wondered.

"I’m different, matey. I don’t take orders from that bitter, warped, weasley man."

Aria shot the droid a hurt, annoyed glare. However troubled Rimmer may have been, she didn’t care, and thought all he needed was a chance to get people to know him better. No-one was willing to give him that chance, except for her.

She reached out and touched the droid’s forehead. Its head was like a plasma ball from days gone by. When she touched it, filaments were drawn to her finger. She half smiled, then lowered her hand. She glanced back at the others. "Maybe he can help us."

* * *

Droid Rimmer stepped out first. The other droids held their fire once they saw him. He didn’t speak; he just stood there a moment. Eventually, he waved his new friends over. "I’m just taking them to our leader to deal with them."

The trio frowned in disgust of hearing that term. Never in their lives did they think Rimmer would ever be a leader, or would want him to be one for this very reason. Megalomania got the better of him as always.

The alpha droid gestured it’s head, silently giving the signal to go ahead.

Of course, if Droid Rimmer wanted to convince them, he’d have to play the part. So, he pulled and shoved them along until they were out of the other droids’ sights. 

"I’m sorry about that, chums," he said. "I had to be credible."

"Leader, though?" Aria wondered with a tone of disdain.

"I know. I felt awkward saying that. But I am taking you to him. Maybe you can talk him out of this madness."

Kryten told him, "That’s what _we_  thought, but—"

"Oh, no…" Exuberant uttered, cutting Kryten off mid-sentence.

"What is it?" 

"There’s no need to be alarmed, but it seems as though Arnold has somehow strengthened his remaining army."

Aria leaned in close to Duane. "That’s not supposed to alarm us?" she muttered to him.

Droid Rimmer pointed ahead of them. "It’s just up here a few more miles."

Something then unexpectedly penetrated through him with blunt force like a chest burster; his back arched, his voice unit emitted a jarring, agonising screech as he was ripped apart in half. A fifteen foot tall, menacing droid stood before them, looming over them.

As Aria stood frozen in place, she stared open-mouthed at what was once the single incarnation of Rimmer that was actually nice. 

Kryten shot a barrage of bazookoid fire at the gigantic droid, eventually bringing it down. It made a gigantic droid shaped hole in the dirt where it landed.

On her hands and knees she clambered toward droid Rimmer. Just as she got to him, his red LED eyes slowly went out. Tears fell from her eyes; they landed on an exposed part of his body and caused a single spark to emerge.

"Ms. Harkness, we must go."

 _"I’m sorry,"_ Rimmer said, suddenly coming in over their radios. _"but he was flawed. Helpful. I couldn’t have that. I do, however, have to commend you for bringing back up. It was a wise decision."_

Aria begged, "Rimmer, please… just stop—"

_"Aria Harkness — you’re an odd one. So much more experienced than the others, yet you play second fiddle to these children. Why is that?"_

She glanced over at Kryten. "Is he calling me old? Because technically—"

"Ma’am, please. Ignore him. We have to find Mr. Lister."

_"Yes. Focus on that futile task. You have a war to lose."_

"Lose?" she echoed incredulously. "I forget you don’t know me very well."

_"We’ll soon see, won’t we?"_

There was a short moment of static, then nothing.

Aria turned her gaze to Kryten once more, her eyes piercing him like daggers.  "What happened to him? You said he was getting better — you said he was ‘fine’!"

"Wha-a-a-at do-o-o you-u-u me-e-a-a-an?" he asked, his anxiety chip going into overdrive. "O-o-of c-co-o-ourse h-he’s f-i-in-e-e-e."

"Well, obviously something changed! What was it?"

"Ma’am—"

"Did you give him the Retcon at all?"

"Well, yes. Of course," Kryten wasn’t lying — they did give it to him, but unfortunately it lasted only forty-eight hours. "Ms. Harkness, I implore you, we need to get to Mr. Lister quickly!"

"Fine," As she walked by him she shot him a glare. She shook her head, frustrated with him and herself. "I knew I shouldn’t have left him." she muttered.


	7. Transglobal Spectacle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “All I know is no-one dies. I’m still confusing love with need.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thought I could end this in one chapter but… nope! One more beyond this.

Exuberant and the others went into a chamber ahead. In the center of the room was a hologram of a Cryptum; below it was a display that said _‘_ _Activated’._  

"Oh, this looks interesting. Or maybe this is terrible," Exuberant said. "Arnold is preparing for slip-space travel."

While staring at the holographic image, deep in thought, Aria mused, "He’s planning to take Lister with him…"

"How far is it from here, Exuberant?" Kryten asked.

"Not far. Right this way."

They left the chamber and headed to another room. An elevator platform was waiting for them there; surrounding it is open sky. Dozens of enormous Guardians were floating in the air.

"There were five before. Where the hell did he find all of these?"

"There’s one in nearly every planet, Aria. I’m grateful he hasn’t realised there’s more in other galaxies yet."

As the platform began to move, a screech was heard. They all jerked in reaction. Moments later a portal appeared behind one of the Guardians to pull it into slip-space. 

An electromagnetic pulse burst, knocking out Kryten instantly. The Guardian folded its gigantic wings and retreated into the portal.

"Kryten?!"

Duane looked up at the sky. "Where did that thing go?"

"It’s begun…" Exuberant said in a grave tone. "I didn’t think he could do it."

The platform continued descending to the surface of Genesis. The Cryptum was floating high above over a facility. As the platform approached the facility, another Guardian retreated into a portal. Eventually the platform stopped at a hallway leading to a snowy hill.

"Where… in the hell… are we now?" Aria thought aloud.

"We’re still on the right track."

Kryten suddenly powered back on. He looked around, briefly unfamiliar with his surroundings. Duane and Aria attempted to help him up onto his feet.

"Are you okay, sir?" Duane asked, groaning as he pulled the mech up.

"I think so… What’s happening?"

"Rimmer is winning…" Aria grimaced for a short moment. "There’s a scentence I never thought I’d say." 

They go into a room; nearing the exit, the doors opened to reveal a large snowy valley. The Cryptum was hovering close overhead, covered in a blue glow. 

"There it is!" Duane exclaimed. "How do we get it down?"

"The Cryptum is held in place by a gravitational core," Exuberant stated "Once disabled, we can retrieve your friend."

They descended to the valley below. They stop in front of a spinning structure; inside it was the core, pulsating and glowing a deep purple.

"That’s it. Now, destroy it."

Aria grabbed a grenade out of her ammo pack and threw it in with the core. She and the others bolted for cover, sheilding their eyes.

The core exploded; an intense flash of pale purple light engulfed everything in the area for a short time. As the light died down, they gradually stood up.

"Okay… Gravitational core is down," Aria announced. "Exuberant, can you get us to the—"

"Ah-ha! I did it! I did it, I did it!" she shouted as she bounced around cheerfully.

"Did what?"

"I found a way to reach the Cryptum! Alas, proper access requires a more _human_ touch. Hurry! Cryptum access is back where we first arrived."

* * *

They back tracked and found the controls with buttons glowing orange and blue.

"There! Aria, activate the override to lower the Cryptum!" Exuberant commanded.

"How?"

"See that flashing orange key? Press it."

" _It couldn’t be that easy._ " She gave a half shrug, and with a push of a button, she activated the override.

"Wonderful! We can reach the Cryptum now."

" _I guess it was…_ "

There were bright flashes. The structure underneath the Cryptum opened up as the sphere descended into it. A Guardian popped up behind it. The Cryptum levitated out of the structure and to the Guardian; then it was placed in the center of its body.

" _Dave is leaving with me_ ," Rimmer announced over transmission. " _And when I wake him in ten thousand years — when he experiences the permanent peace I have ensured — he will see that I was right. And you… will be long forgotten._ "

His Guardian left, taking the Cryptum with it. The building reformed itself and closed its roof, though its front entrance was still open.

"How are we supposed to reach it now?" Aria asked.

"Arnold is blocking my master level access of this facility by way of a nearby communications relay. I need to open the passage way in the centre inside of that building." Exuberant gestured her body in the direction of it.

They went into the building. Inside was a snowy multi-leveled arena. A tall pillar-like structure was in its center, connecting roof to floor.

"Is this it?"

"Yes. One moment…" Exuberant attempted to gain access; she figured it would be an easy task — she figured wrong. "He has sealed it?! He has sealed _my_ doors?! No! Unacceptable! I can gain entry if given enough time. At least I think I can. It is a door, after all."

* * *

Inside the room that Rimmer so humbly named _Command Centre_ , Rimmer stood in front of some monitors, one of which had a live feed of Lister from inside the Cryptum. He began talking at the screen, as if he could hear him. 

"I hope you can forgive me," he said. He sharply inhaled. "Do you remember when we were stranded on that planet, and you ruined my camphor wood chest? I forgave you for that. Okay, it’s not the same as sealing you inside that thing for ten thousand years, and forcing you to live out the remainder of your life with me in permanent peace, but… at least you’d be safe. I mean well. The others… They don’t get it," 

He looked around the room. He was becoming slightly bored. As he still kept his eyes on the monitor, he stood up. "What do you think, Listy? Speech time?" 

Of course, Lister couldn’t respond, but Rimmer ignored this fact and nodded in agreement, like he had gotten an answer. 

Meanwhile, Guardians still hovered in the sky, while Exuberant continued to work on gaining access. A dull roar was suddenly heard.

"A point of interest for you," Exuberant began flatly. "That sound just now? It was the penultimate Guardian."

"And the Cryptum?" Aria probed as she intently looked around the area for another way to reach the Cryptum and Rimmer.

"Still present. Along with Arnold's Guardian. He is moments from leaving, however."

"What's the status on that door?"

"Just about open."

Unexpectedly, Rimmer’s voice boomed over a loud speaker, and transmitted his message throughout the known galaxy. _"Humanity. GELFs…"_

"What does he want now?" Aria griped.

"I don’t think he’s talking to us, ma’am."

"Exuberant?"

Rimmer continued, _"Mechanoids. Simulants…"_

"Almost done!" Exuberant was having a more complicated time than she’d thought she’d have done. Still, it was nothing she couldn’t handle. 

_"All the living creatures of the galaxy, hear this message. Those of you who listen will not be struck by weapons. You will no longer know hunger, nor pain. I have come to lead you now,"_

Kryten grimaced in disgust. "Oh dear…"

 _"Our strength shall serve as a luminous sun toward which all intelligence may blossom. And the impervious shelter beneath which you will prosper. However, for those who refuse our offer and cling to their old ways…_ _For you, there will be great wrath. It will burn hot and consume you, and when you are gone, I will take that which remains, and I will remake it in my own image."_

In that instant, Rimmer’s droids appeared in droves; however, they didn’t attack. They just stood around them, watching them as Exuberant frantically tried to open the door.

"Exuberant! Time is of the upmost essence, my little friend!" Aria shouted.

"Just about…" There were a few high-pitched whines coming from the terminal, then a loud click. "There! I have done it. I have opened the passage. Quickly, join me on the platform."

The structure pulled away to reveal an elevator platform. After they stepped on, an energy field surrounded it, protecting them. As it descended, they watched as the droids gave them a short Rimmer salute.

Kryten’s rubber face twisted while he tried to figure out what just happened. "That was… odd." 

"I think they _want_ us to win," Aria turned behind and looked at Exuberant. "What do we do now?"

"The relay access is at the end of the corridor. You must simply interrupt the energy link. Once the connection is broken, I will regain control immediately."

"Sounds easy enough."

The elevator droned as it came to a halt. In front of it was a long hallway lit by an orange glow. The end of the corridor was open to the outside, where the last Guardian, carrying the Cryptum, hovered over a deep, mile long chasm. The Guardian moaned. Flashes of blue were seen as the Guardian prepared to jump. 

"I think it may have just gotten harder, Aria. He has started the slip-space sequence. Unless that relay is interrupted, he will leave, taking the Cryptum with him."

"Only one of us has to reach the relay, correct?" Kryten asked.

"That is correct."

Aria’s brows furrowed; wondering what he was thinking, her eyes shrunk, then widened when she realised what he was about to do. "Kryten, you can’t be serious. There’s no way you’re coming back from this!"

"It’s Mr. Lister! I can’t let him down."

Her breath shook as she sighed. She knew she couldn’t, and shouldn’t, stop him from saving his best friend. "Alright," she began with yet another sigh. Aria pressed a few buttons on her vortex manipulator. "I’m going to board his Guardian — maybe I can talk him down…" 

"Good luck, ma’am."

A brief smile flashed on her face. "You too." she said just as she dematerialised.

Kryten turned and faced the Guardian. He glanced over at Duane. "Sir, you should stay here."

"But I wanna help." 

It was hard to say ‘no’ to his boy-like face. Kryten inwardly cursed himself for caving; if something were to happen to him, he’d never get over it. "Alright, sir. Just stay close to me."

"Here," Exuberant shot a harmless beam at Kryten; he glowed a deep purple. "I have given you a shield. It should last until you reach the relay."

Kryten nodded, and headed down the hallway before Duane. Rimmer, who was at the controls of his Guardian, saw this and became both furious and perplexed. 

 _"What are you doing?"_ Rimmer asked them with immense curiosity in his voice.

The Guardian prepared an electromagnetic pulse. The blast knocked Kryten back and slightly damaged his shield. He winced but resumed his advance.

Rimmer’s voice emanated out again. _"My Guardians are deployed."_

The Guardian began to glow again. The second hit blew out most of Kryten’s shield and damaged his health. He groaned. Unable to run, he instead kept walking ahead. 

"Hold on, sir!" Duane exclaimed, hoping he’d given him some sort of encouragement.

_"Soon, peace will ring across the known galaxy…"_

Meanwhile, Aria was traversing the vast mazes of Rimmer’s Guardian. After what felt like an hour of walking, she finally made it to his control centre. She had him in her sights. All she had to do was somehow knock him out — but she couldn’t bring herself to do it. She watched him as he slowly but surely lost his calm. 

"Guys, I’ve found him," she whispered into her VM. There was no reply. "Guys?" Still nothing — there was too much interference from the Guardian’s pulses. She shook her head and gave up.

* * *

A third wave blasted. Kryten cried out in pain. It brought him to his feet and broke through the rest of his shield. His health was at half. Kryten struggled to crawl to the end. "Nearly there." he said through grit teeth. 

Kryten and Duane continued walking to the end of the corridor. The relay device was just barely within arms length.

"There! Destroy it!" Exuberant exclaimed.

Right before he reached it, another Guardian pulse knocked him to the floor. Kryten screamed in agony, and his HUD flickered and darkened. He strained to get back up.

 _"Just one more question, before I go,"_ Rimmer said in a intimidating yet somewhat spine-tingling tone. _"Where’s Kochanski? Why is she so hard to find?"_

Kryten stood up once more and headed for the relay. It was almost at arm's length. It began to open up as he approached. 

Duane still acted as his personal cheerleader. "You can do this! Just keep going!" 

Yet another pulse drove him to the ground, his vision darkening. Kryten was right at the edge of death; at the lower left corner his HUD were the words ‘ _Mauve alert’._ Kryten’s voice slurred. "Can’t… take it…" 

"You have to do it! I’m not strong enough to open that thing!"

 _"Not to worry,"_ Rimmer chimed in again. _"I will find her."_

He forced himself to stand one last time, determined to end this. He stumbled to the relay. Nearly falling on it, he grabbed its edges and prised it open. "You’re not… taking… my friend!" he yelled in between pained breaths. With his last amount of energy he punched the relay and fell down for the count. He looked up to see the relay finally deactivating, albeit too late.

_"Slip-space coordinates locked in. Cryptum secured. Goodbye, children."_

Kryten was almost out of power, but a loud whir emitted from somewhere. 

"I have control again!" Exuberant suddenly exclaimed. 

_"What?! What are you doing? What’s happening?"_

In and out of consciousness, Kryten crawled to the edge of the platform. 

"Did you hear me?! _I — have — control again_!"

Kryten gazed up to see Duane approaching to help him to his feet, despite the fact that he could barely lift twenty pounds. Regardless, Kryten took his hand and pulled himself up. "Did it work?" he asked. "Did we save him?"

_"It is too late, the slip-space drives are activated. You can't—"_

From Aria’s point of view, Rimmer was frantically pressing buttons, rapidly flicking switches — anything to stop them.

The Guardian shook as it prepared to leave, but it was suddenly swarmed by thousands of small floating machines, similar to Exuberant. Kryten and Duane appeared lost and a gigantic, invisible question mark formed above their heads. 

"Exuberant, What is—?"

"Constructors. This is a Builder facility after all. I was installed by the Builders. I _serve_ the Builders."

The ice below dissolves as more Constructors flew out of it and detached the Cryptum from the Guardian’s grasp. A flash bursted as the Guardian's portal opened. 

 _"No! Stop it!"_ Rimmer shouted.

"You took my installation! _I_ will take something of yours!"

The Constructors grabbed and lifted the Cryptum away from the Guardian as it was pulled into slip-space, with Aria still on board.

Just before the Guardian left, Rimmer bellowed out in a haunting, sorrow filled scream, _"DAAAVVEEE!"_

The Guardian then warped away, its portal closing. The Cryptum slowly levitated toward Kryten, Duane and Exuberant, carried by Constructors. A walkway then formed to let them reach it. They walked towards the Cryptum. The Constructors approached its front and fired energy beams at it, cutting through its surface. They then used manipulation beams to disintegrate its front. They watched as Lister's silhouette appeared, and eventually he ambled out, dazed and confused.

As Lister came towards them, he picked up speed, until he was sprinting. Before anyone could say a word, Lister embraced Kryten and Duane in a group hug, his eyes tightly shut. He didn't even notice the Cat's altered appearance. His eyes popped back open, and pulled away when he realised someone was missing.

"Where’s Rimmer?" he asked.

" _Unbelievable,_ " Kryten thought. " _He was kidnapped by the smee heee, and he still cares enough to ask where he is?_ "

"Krytes? You okay?"

He shook his head and snapped out of it; finally, he replied. "He’s… gone, sir." 

* * *

Aria stood just outside the doorway, peering in. She watched him as he remained almost motionless. Rimmer had his back turned; he hovered over a workstation, and to the best of his abilities, through welled up eyes, he started up the launch of the rest of the Guardians. Too busy fuming over his failed plan, he didn't notice Aria was now standing in the middle of the room.

She stared intently at him, unsure if she should speak. " _What would I even say_?" she thought. It was clear to her that he was hurting, physically and emotionally; she didn’t want to upset him further.

He sniffled and wiped his tears away, then turned around only to see her ten feet in front of him. "You again?!"

"Easy!" She put down her weapon and put up her hands. "Look, it’s okay. I’m not here to start anything."

"How did you get here?" he demanded.

"I simply just appeased the King of the Potato People." she jested, looking deadpan.

Rimmer’s upper lip and nose twitched. "I don't know what you want, but I must ask you to leave," he said to her. He walked away from the workstation and turned his back on her. " _Now_ , please. I have to undo the damage you’ve all caused."

Aria didn't leave. She cautiously moved closer to him. "What’d we do exactly? _You’re_ the one who decided the best way to save the galaxy would be to make everyone kill themselves. You did the damage, not us."

Rimmer whirled around and strode up to her. His eyes glowed with fury. "Lister is gone… because of you," he said while he gradually backed her into a corner. "Now he’s not going to survive! _You_ did this! _You_ —!" Suddenly, a look of recognition donned on his face, only for a few seconds.

Her brows knitted, and she stared attentively. She knew she was in there, buried deep under layers of psychosis.

"You need to go." He backed away from her.

Aria’s hopes were shattered. He didn't remember her — not that she truly expected him to; it would’ve been too good to be true. "Where would I go?" she wondered. "We’re in space."

"I’m sure there’s an airlock nearby that I could shove you out of."

She chuckled. "Just like old times…" she mumbled without realising she said it aloud.

He cocked his head slightly to one side. While both of his eyebrows were furrowed he managed to raise the end of one to a degree. " _What’s she on about?_ " he wondered to himself.

Then she gave a dismissive wave of her hand. "Never mind…" she hastened to say. "Rimmer, I’m going to tell you something: By doing this, you won't avoid it... In fact, you'll have caused it."

He stared wide-eyed, his mouth slightly agape. Gradually, he snapped his mouth shut. His face hardened in the realisation that she was just full of it. Lying. "Oh, what do you know?" he said, sneering.

"I was there. Up until now I didn't know why it happened. Guardians wiped out entire civilisations, those who didn't want to suffer the same fate all committed assisted and voluntary suicide, and those who didn't completely lose their minds retaliated against you."

The memory he saw while inside the Cryptum wasn't random — what he saw was the future, one that he inadvertently brought, driven to do it by Yvonne, or his malice, and Kochanski, his resentment and his need to prove himself to others. Obviously, he didn't know this; he only thought he was doing the right thing.

" _Is she telling the truth_?" he thought. Shakily, he inhaled. He couldn't look her in the eyes anymore; he felt almost ashamed to be fooled by his own mind.

"Full out war, all dead in just two months. Including you."

After moments of being deep in thought, questioning it all, he perked up. "Me?! I'm a hard-light hologram — I can't die."

"You sure about that?"

Quickly checking his forehead, he realised it felt normal — no hologram indicator, just skin. He hadn't realised until that moment, when everything was calm, that he was alive. "I guess I ha—" Something didn't feel right. He started panting. "Hadn't—" Rimmer pressed his hand to his chest; he forced out a harsh breath and began staggering about. Within seconds he was eating his words two sentences earlier. He nearly fell just as Aria swooped in to catch him.

"I've got ya." she grunted as she helped him stand back up. She had placed a hand on Rimmer’s chest to keep him steady. There was a faint pulse; she moved her hand from his chest to his neck. She felt it again, stronger this time.

Rimmer shoved her away. "Get your compulsive hands off me!" he snapped through his wheezing.

"Sorry," she chortled. "Are you alright?"

He gulped, swallowing down pain and nausea. "I don't think I feel too well." he quiveringly replied.

It stood to reason — organs that weren't there had reappeared and were working overtime to compensate for lost time. He was feeling many things, most of which were uncomfortable. He thought being alive would be great but in fact it was agonising. Pain was all that existed.

He grabbed her arm to keep from falling flat on his face, but he couldn't stand straight any longer. Slowly, he inched his way to the floor, bringing Aria down with him.

His whole body trembled. Aria felt his forehead where his hologram indicator used to be. He was feverish, and looked pale; his heart was beating so fast that he had to hyperventilate just to keep up with it. Like a sack of bricks, it hit her: he wasn't feeling the effects of being alive — he was over six-hundred years old; age had caught up with him and his body was gradually shutting down.

Rimmer kept opening and closing his eyes, slowly but surely losing the battle against his own body. Rapidly, his body temperature dropped to the point of uncontrollable shivering.

Aria put her arms around him, attempting to warm him up. She noticed he wasn't responsive. "Hey…" She gently shook him. "Stay with me, okay?" She then grabbed a hold of his hand, tightly squeezing it.

He was somewhere between life and death, but was still able to make sense of things. "I thought… you were here to… stop me." he said in between his panting.

Anxiously, she chuckled. "Yeah, but…" She ran her fingers through his unmanageable, curly hair, pushing a few short strands back; she noticed a few odd greys amongst the chocolate brown. She half smiled. "I was never going to kill you."

Somehow, despite being in his death throes, he managed to smile to an extent, which faded quickly. Figuring that dying was his penance, he thought it would only be appropriate if he said something in atonement of his actions; just to set the record straight.

"I’m sorry…" he slurred, letting his words ride on a shaky exhale. "I just wanted everyone to be safe."

"I know," she murmured. She held him tighter. "I know…" Aria pressed her lips against the top of his head, then gently kissed. She didn't care if it was inappropriate timing at that point; she thought it would comfort him somehow.

"Lister is going to outlive me…" he began through erratic, strained breaths. "Who’s going to… take care of him? No-one else can, not like me…"

She gently hushed him. "Just relax now."

"What’ll happen to him?"

"I’ll look after him."

He thought it was odd; why would she, a complete stranger, want to help? Dubious as he was, he still somewhat believed her. His mouth started to form the word ‘thanks’, but never got the chance to spit it out. Seconds later his grip loosened and his hand dropped out of her’s, making a light thudding noise against the metal floor; he made a strange gurgling sound. She knew all too well what that meant: He was gone — _really_  gone.

Of all the deaths she had witnessed, his was the hardest. Grief hollowed her out; she felt absolutely nothing except broken. She rested her chin upon the top of Rimmer’s head, and she cradled him tightly. His body had already begun to run cold, the colour draining from his skin.

She wanted to scream at the top of her lungs at how unfair it was — to be brought back to life only to be robbed of it once again. She sobbed as she held him in her arms. She buried her head into the side of Rimmer's neck.

Harshly, she exhaled, frustrated by there not being a way to bring him back, or even stop the inevitable war. While it wouldn’t be against Rimmer per se, people and other life forms would die just to avoid being incinerated by the Guardians. Nobody had it in their DNA or programming to behave, thus their punishment.

Then she remembered: her vortex manipulator. With one push of a button she could set them back before any of this happened. But it was bad enough she broke the rule of no teleporting; she couldn't exactly cross into an established event to prevent it, either — it was strictly forbidden except for cheap tricks. She'd have to hope something would change on its own, without willing it. While there was no telling if it would happen all over again, but at least Rimmer would still be around.

She exhaled deeply. Grudgingly, she set it to take them three-hundred-eighty-four days back, giving them extra time to stop Rimmer from leaving. Looking down at Rimmer’s cold, pale lifeless body, she debated another route; she could command Kryten to boot up a new Rimmer, give everyone else Retcon and be done with it. The former was just simpler. She gave him one last squeeze. "You're not leaving us that easily."

She hit activate; they were engulfed in white. In seconds they all went hurdling back in time. Everything gradually reverted back to normal; minor damage to the structures was fixed, Genesis' service droids were never used for ill, the Guardians were once again dormant and Exuberant, unfortunately, would spend her days alone once more. Not one of them remembered a single moment of what happened.


	8. Reestablished Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You must know that you’re doing the right thing.” - Daughter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it’s taken so long to get this last chapter posted. Between the holidays, and my own issues, I haven’t had much time. A couple of people have been asking about it though, so here it is! Hope you enjoy it.

It was quiet on board _Red Dwarf_ — that silence lasted for all but a few minutes until alarms started going off. " _WARNING: Airlock doors opened. Life support system failure imminent._ " could be seen on multiple monitors on the ship.

Kryten happened to be cleaning, as usual, when it happened. "What is going on?" he wondered aloud. He hurried off to see what it was. Halfway to the drive room he was stopped by the Cat.

"Hey, bud!" Cat exclaimed. "Check this out!!" He whipped out a silver yo-yo from his pocket. "I learned something new about this shiny thing!"

"Not now, sir. I have to—"

"Look!" He started twirling it around like it was a propeller, even making the sounds. "If I move it like this…" After a moment of watching it, almost hypnotising himself, he staggered around the corridor. He dropped the yo-yo onto the floor. "Phew! I'm getting dizzy."

"Yes, that's nice, but I need to—"

Just then, he heard Lister calling out for him, followed by Rimmer screaming at him to shut up. Kryten was about to help when the entire ship lost power.

"Oh, smee." Even after years of training in the obscene vocabulary department, Kryten _still_  couldn’t fully form the word ‘smeg’. 

"What the hell's happenin'?"

"I'm not sure," Kryten replied. "but it can’t be good."

In a few moments the back-up generator powered on. Both Kryten and Cat ran to Lister's aid, albeit too late. Rimmer's light bee was in the palm of Lister's hand by that point; he stood there, staring at it almost aghast.

Cat took one look at the light bee, severely disappointed. "Aw man!" he griped. "I always miss the good stuff!"

* * *

The events that happened that night occurred all over again except for one small difference. For reasons unknown to Rimmer, rather than leaving he lingered a few moments longer. Instead of Lister waking up to see nothing he saw Rimmer standing beside him.

"AHH, SMEG!" he shrieked, voice so shrill it threatened to crack the on-board back-up computer screens. "Rimmer, what the hell?!"

For all of five seconds Rimmer forgot why he was standing there. "I was just… leaving." he said, staring out clear then ended in muttering.

Lister was still able to hear what he said, however. "What, was I snorin’ again?"

"N-no, I—" Rimmer’s sentence abruptly ended; his light bee made the most upsetting cry, enough to make Lister judder profusely. Then it stopped just as suddenly as it started. Rimmer stood frozen in place, face looking as though he’d seen a ghost.

"What's wrong?" Lister hopped out of his bunk and approached the locked-up hologram.

In that instant, the Cat strutted in, twirling and screeching loudly. " _Owwwwwwww!_ Hey, buds!" He stopped when he noticed his human friend being extremely nervous and his hologrammatic non-friend standing still. "What's happening to Waterslide Nostrils?"

"Dunno. That's what I’m trying to figure out," Lister repeatedly waved his hand in front of his eyes, then snapped his fingers. "Rimmer? Are you home, man?"

A loud whir erupted from the hologram. His head twitched uncontrollably, then he was still once more, only for a moment. He then gave Lister a glare that was more icier than usual.

"What? What've I done now?" he asked, his voice cracking, scared out of his smegging mind.

Rimmer picked up Lister's home made guitar — a colander with guitar strings and the neck from the old guitar that Rimmer broke ages ago.

"Oh, come on. Not me makeshift guitar! I just finished it!" he pleaded; he all but got on his knees.

Rimmer held it over his head and let out a kamikaze scream. Lister yelped and fled down the corridor, with Rimmer waving the guitar and chasing after him into _Red Dwarf's_ depths. Cat ran after them as best as he could in Cuban heels.

The trio whizzed past Kryten. He stared at them incredulously. "Sirs?"

"Help me!!" Lister cried out.

Like a marionette, he frantically waved his arms, and hurried after them. He caught up to them just as Rimmer was about to take a hefty swing. Kryten pulled his finger off, revealing a sort of taser, then stuck it at the back of Rimmer's neck.

_Ffffffzzzzzzzttt!_

Rimmer's eyes crossed, his teeth clenched. His whole body contracted until eventually he fell limp; he hit the floor with a loud thud.

Lister struggled to catch his breath. It was probably the most he'd ran for a long time. He stared at the unconscious hologram, then looked at his mechanoid hero. "Thanks, Krytes…" he said with a sigh of relief.

"Of course, sir, but what happened?"

"No smegging clue," he replied and shrugged his shoulders. "One minute he was alright, the next he just lost his mind."

"Perhaps we should lock him in somewhere, so he isn't a danger to us."

"Where?" Lister asked with another shrug of his shoulders.

 _Red Dwarf_ was six miles long, at least. So many places to hold someone — even the secret floor thirteen, or ‘The Tank’, would've suffice. Rimmer would certainly have to be someplace secure.

"M-Deck?" Cat chimed in. He took their perplexed stares as a sign to be more clear. "In the garbage hold?"

"You can't be serious!"

"Just until he cools off. Say… twelve and a half months?"

Kryten's rubber features scrunched up in confusion. "Why that long, sir?"

The Cat shrugged. "Why not?"

Lister hissed a sigh through his teeth. "Look, whatever," he said dismissively. "Can we just get him in before he wakes up?"

Kryten gingerly picked up Rimmer. The hologram's spindly legs and upper torso dangled over his arms. Once inside the garbage hold, he gently placed him on top of an old mattress. It wasn’t of the upmost comfort, but it was good enough.

* * *

Rimmer opened his eyes, only to find he was in near darkness. Once his eyes adjusted more, he could see wires hanging from the ceiling and various discarded electronics, varying from circuit boards to traffic cones to a single shopping trolley in the corner of the room, even including an annoying toaster which, thankfully, was shut off.

"I'm in the garbage hold?" he wondered aloud, glancing around. "I'm in the smegging garbage hold?!" Rimmer started banging his fists on the metal door, screaming at them to let him out, knowing full well it was their idea. Why wouldn’t it be?

Meanwhile in the science room, following up on a U.O, Lister glanced over at the CCTV feed — Rimmer was going beyond bonkers.

"Cat, you seeing this?" Lister asked and pointed at the screen, which showed Rimmer trashing the entire room, more than it already was, trying to make a lot of noise.

Over the feed, they could hear Rimmer screaming, his voice once again nonlinear and altering from high to low in pitch. "You l-l-ocked m-e-e-e in the garbage hold?!"

" _That's a new one_ ," thought Lister as he intently stared at the feed. He never witnessed that tone before. "Maybe we should check in, see if he's alright."

"He seems fine to me."

Fine wasn't the right term — not even close. In fact, if they were closely watching instead of conversing, they would’ve witnessed him ricocheting off the walls like a super bouncy ball; he was nothing but a pale pink and blue blur, he was moving so fast. By the time they finally diverted their gazes back to the screen, Rimmer was back to pounding on the door and yelling obscenities.

"Cat, I'm serious. I just want to check on him."

"From outside, right?" he asked, somewhat apprehensively.

He scoffed in affront. "Well, yeah. I'm not lettin’ him try to insert anymore appliances inside me. D'you think I'm crazy, man?"

As Cat and Lister walked through the corridor of M-Deck, they could hear Rimmer's incessant banging getting louder by the second; his distorted screams threatened to shred his vocal chords. They arrived at the door of the garbage hold. Cautiously, they got closer.

"Rimmer?"

The banging and screaming suddenly stopped. Faintly, they heard Rimmer whimpering, then crying.

"You okay, non-bud?"

Every light in the corridor glowed intensely, and let off a low hum which got louder — one bulb even exploded, causing Cat and Lister to jump out of their skins. 

"Y-you couldn’t j-j-just h-h-o-o-old sti-i-ill, could you, _you_ _sme-e-e-gger-r-r-rs!!_  I just wanted to make myse-l-lf _fe-e-e-el-l-l better-r-r-r!!_ " he screamed at the top of his hologrammatic lungs. His tone quickly changed; it was more linear and slightly more relaxed than before. "I’m broken, aren’t I?" he asked, his voice quavering. 

Of course, Cat being a cat, he had no compassion for anyone, much less Rimmer. With no empathy whatsoever, he said, "Broken would imply you were working to begin with."

Lister said the Cat’s name in a chiding tone. "What is wrong with you? Don’t you care about other people’s feelings?"

"Of course I don't care about people's feelings! I don't even care about _you_!"

Rolling his eyes and shaking his head, he sighed heavily. Lister moved even closer to the door — close enough that if Rimmer blew it off the hinges, it would crush him — it was a risk he was willing to take. "Rimmer, man, you’re not broken. You’re just…" As he inhaled deep he thought long and hard, debating if he should finally go against Aria’s wishes and tell him. " _What would she care? She’s not here_ …" he said to himself. "You’re just sick — but that doesn’t mean you’re broken, it doesn’t make you anything less than what you are," His voice shook to a degree. "Look, I don’t know how to make it better, but for now we’ll—"

Out of nowhere, he saw a flash through a crack at the bottom of the door, then heard the sound of metal clanking against metal. 

"Rimmer?"

No response. Nothing but the sound of _Red Dwarf's_ engines softly droning. Rimmer had retreated into his light bee; anything to avoid viewing the drab, desolate room he was in. And even though he loathed being inside of that tiny device, it was safer for everyone. Rimmer refused to switch back on until his ‘sentence’ was complete. 

* * *

For the next twelve and a half months, he stayed inside the garbage hold, in and out of his light bee, thinking and slipping further into madness. At first, thinking was debilitating — drudging up past memories, most of which were horrible and unbearable to relive — then he began to enjoy it. He wasn’t just thinking too much; he was learning too much. Thanks to a direct uplink to the whole of the World Wide Web, which was included in the upgrade to hard light, he could learn just about anything he wanted. He simply never had the desire to use it until that moment, when he had nothing else to do.

Before, Rimmer couldn't even tell anyone what a quasar was; not only did he learn what they were, but he now knew there were over two hundred thousand known quasars in space, and of those two hundred thousand could've been multiple quasars, as well as that the brightest known quasars devoured one thousand solar masses of material every year, and the largest known was estimated to consume matter equivalent to six hundred Earths per minute. That was only a small fraction of what he had learned. It was hardly useful information, but still, he craved more. 

His thinking even continued in his sleep; he dreamt of a strange woman who always seemed to be saving him from some form of danger. He thought it was odd, how familiar she felt. Why was she familiar? Was there a reason he kept seeing her? Before he knew it, he was back to thinking again; dwelling, going over thoughts and queries. Eventually, they had nothing to do with this mystery woman anymore. One question that he asked himself stuck with him — one that scared him.

"Who am I?" 

He didn’t know. It had gone clear out of his head. The recent massive input of information forced it out. He could only guess most of it, filling in the gaps as best as he could. Then he couldn’t remember where he was; nothing in the room seemed recognisable to him. 

At one point he decided his name must’ve been Quasar Blackhole: a bounty hunter from Titan, a guy who took no crap from anyone, happily married with four boys. Maybe not. He couldn’t be that lucky, and even though it was a swell name, it didn’t seem right. Grimacing as he shook his head, he determined it must’ve been something else. Ace! That was it! He felt confident that his name was definitely Ace. That sounded like the name of a space adventurer if he ever heard one. In an instant, a smirk donned on his face. 

Suddenly, his look of smug gittiness faded, then his face went blank in the realisation that it wasn’t Ace either; Acehole, maybe. Groaning in despair, lost as to who he was, he put his head in his hands, and felt his hologram indicator. At that point, it finally started coming back. That blue H that stood for many things; half-wit, hopeless, hideous failure. Now he wished he hadn’t pieced it together.

He was Arnold J. Rimmer, Second Tech on a rust bucket of a mining ship called _Red Dwarf_ , dead and stuck three million years in deep space as a hologram to keep his bunk mate from going crazy. And unfortunately, remembering who and where he was, the knowledge of quasars and all manner of other useless information was pushed right back out.

"How," he wondered aloud, "on Io am I supposed to keep that… _slob_ sane when my _own_ sanity is in total and utter shambles?!" Then he let out a frustrated, anguished scream that had been brewing in his depths for many, many years. " _AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!_ "

The harsh, ear-piercing scream caused every light the ship to increase in intensity. The drive room terminals emitted a low hum as they glitched. Kryten and Lister appeared anxious; they looked at one another, nervously.

"Guess he's out and about." Lister murmured while he stood up.

"Shall I go with you, sir?" Kryten asked, decidedly worried about his well-being.

Lister shook his head. "I think I'll be okay, Krytes," He started to head out of the drive room, then turned back for a moment. "But on the off chance, have your taser thingy ready."

"Don’t worry, Mr. Lister. I have it on standby," he said with a reassuring smile. "Good luck, sir."

A quick thin-lipped, nervous smile was painted on his face. "Thanks, man." He almost asked Kryten to come along, but thought it was best if he didn’t, in case having one more body in the room made Rimmer overwhelmed.

* * *

Finally, he walked out, heading to M-Deck. The garbage hold. Lister shook his head once more in disbelief, wondering why they just didn't put him in quarantine. He knew it couldn't have been good for his mental health — and he would be right. Upon opening the door, he was greeted with slightly unintelligible scribblings on the walls; unintelligible to Lister, anyway. The wires that hung from the ceiling were now twisted to look like strands of DNA, human and some other life form unknown to Lister.

Rimmer stood in a corner of the room, and had his back to Lister. He didn’t even move when he heard the door screech open. "It’s impolite to stare," he said to Lister, without looking. Eventually he turned around to face him. "I should put you on report for that."

Lister half smiled and chuckled. "Wouldn’t be a first…" Glancing at the markings on the walls, he asked, "What’s all this then?" 

What was indescribable drivel to Lister, and now Rimmer, was actually scientific equations — genius level. Even Kryten wouldn’t have been able to understand it.

"Ten minutes ago, Lister, I could’ve told you. Then again, ten minutes ago I wouldn’t have known to call you ‘Lister’, so…" Rimmer then shrugged. 

"Are you alright?"

"I’m fine," he began as he paced in a short line. "I couldn’t be hunky-dorier."

Lister pointed at the DNA strand that Rimmer made. "Then what possessed you to that?"

Rimmer stopped moving and stared at his handy work. "Boredom, I suppose."

" _We-ried_ … Wait, you're not gonna start speaking in Mandarin again, are ya?"

"Ó, tā mā de, nǐ tā mā de bèndàn!" Rimmer snapped while his projection flickered. "Wèishéme wǒ huì zhème zuò?!"

" _That answers that question…_ " Lister thought. He had no idea what the smeg Rimmer just said, but knew it probably wasn't, 'Oh, you look nice today, I like that shirt! Where did you get it?!'. He arched an eyebrow, staring at Rimmer in perplexity for a moment.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" Rimmer asked, panting as he came out of his minor episode.

"No reason," he quickly replied. Anything to keep him as relaxed as possible. "Look, erm… I'm sorry you had to be in here for so long. I didn't—"

"It's fine," Rimmer said with little hesitation. "You want to protect them from me… whoever I am."

Even though he remembered who he was, he still didn't know — not really. He looked at the palms of his hands; he distressingly and intently looked at them, until he was left wondering why — why was he like this. Why, why, why? Then he felt like he was no longer there, as disconnected as a dream. Lister's voice was but a mere ringing in his ears, until it was nothing. Silence.

Rimmer's eyes flicked towards a slightly rusted out metal chair. Quickly, he grabbed it, and with a primal scream, he started smashing everything in the room with it. His screams became so harsh, so tortured; he reached an octave that Lister didn't think he could achieve without being brutalised. Eventually, Rimmer began to sob angrily, while still beating the ever living shit out of a broken old television. 

Despite it possibly being one of the biggest mistakes he'd make, Lister grabbed Rimmer by the wrists, deterring him from abusing the telly any further. Swiftly, Rimmer pulled away from his grasp and wheeled around; he almost came close to punching him. Lister wrapped his arms around Rimmer, keeping him from giving him a black eye. Still crying and screaming, Rimmer smacked Lister's chest a few times in retaliation. In the end, he succumbed to the all but manly embrace. His shaking hands tightly clutched the back of Lister's leather jacket, along with a few of his dreads that got caught in his fingers, tugging on them somewhat. Lister didn't protest.

He placed his hand on the back of Rimmer's head, unafraid of the hologram's unpredictable emotional spikes. He knew one false move could cause him to wig out, yet he didn't care, and neither did Rimmer. On the contrary, Rimmer's uncontrollable sobbing completely halted.

Lister gently shushed him and said, "It's okay." He said it over and over again like a mantra, hoping that it would help somehow. It did, to an extent.

In that instant, none of them cared if this was completely out of the ordinary for them. However, they did know that if either Cat or Kryten saw this, they'd never live it down. They'd have to wrap it up and fast, in case one of them showed up.

Rimmer pulled back first. With a clear of his throat, he composed himself. "I'm sorry… I don't know what came over me."

"It's alright. It's understandable — you're frustrated and confused. Things will be okay, though, you know. Trust me. We'll figure this out." 

As he tightly pressed his folded arms against his upper abdomen, he asked, "How?"

"I dunno," Lister shrugged. "but we’ll think of something."

Rimmer scoffed in distrust. "Why bother? You don’t like me — none of you do."

"That’s not true!" Lister insisted. "I can’t speak for them but I—" He looked up at the camera in the corner of the room. Figuring the others might have been watching, Lister brought the hologram in for another hug, only to whisper something, so they wouldn’t hear.

Two words that left Rimmer in a mixed state of dismay and scepticism. He recoiled, pulling away from Lister’s embrace. " _He’s lying to make me feel better, right?_ " he thought. " _He can’t mean it._ "

"And I mean that," Lister said, as if he could read his mind. He could tell just from the look he was giving him. "Anyway, you’ve done your time," He jerked his head back to the door in indication. "You’re free to go." he said, paying no mind to how cliché it sounded. 

Rimmer eyeballed him dubiously as he walked out the door. Those two words still rolled around in his mind; two words that he never thought he’d hear, much less hear from Lister. 

 _I care._


End file.
